Rise from the ashes
by NormyMellark99
Summary: Katniss and Peeta have survived the war but must now rebuild their lives. Starts a few months after the war and follows them until the epilogue. How does Katniss open up to Peeta and agree to have children? What happens to Haymich and Gale? Does Katniss Mother come back? Will the star crossed lovers ever get out of the public eye?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

I woke up, screaming. My hair plastered to my skin. The sheets wrapped around my legs. Even in my half-conscious mind I still knew something was missing. Peeta, ever since he had come back and we had started rebuilding our lives I had realised more and more how much I needed him to survive. Yes I missed him when he was in the Capitol and I was heartbroken when I found out he was hijacked but now, since we had started sleeping together again I had realised that he was the only person that I need to survive. I thought I needed Prim, I still do need Prim. Even the thought of her name still makes me cry, not just any crying but sobs racking through my body causing every single thing in the world cease to exist. All that I can think of, hear, see and smell is the bomb, exploding, freezing me in that moment. The one moment in my life that will never leave me. That will haunt me for the rest of my days. The moment when I was forced to watch as my little sister turned into a human torch.

Shaking that thought from my head I sat up and swung my legs off my bed. Peeta wasn't in the bed and judging from the smell of pancakes wafting into my room he was probably baking. For a moment I wondered why he hadn't come upstairs when I woke up. To hold me as the after effects of the nightmare left my brain. But I quickly dismissed the thought. He usually went to check on Haymitch about this time. To make sure the old drunkard was still breathing. He probably came back just after I had woken up. Ironic really.

I walked over to the bathroom that was attached to my bedroom. It was probably poor in Capitol standards but to me and the other people in District 12 it was heaven. A bath that could probably hold six of me in it. Plush fluffy bath mats, small lights embedded into the ceiling that caused the whole room to glow a light yellowy colour. But my destination was the shower. One of the only places that I could think properly for some reason.

I slipped my nightclothes off and turned the water on. As the warm droplets of water cascaded down my body my mind wandered back to Peeta. I wasn't sure that I did love him yet. I still wasn't sure if he loved me after the hijacking and everything else that happened in the war. For some reason this thought caused my stomach to churn and I was again faced with the possibility that Snow had damaged him forever.

It was selfish really. I still wanted him to love me but I offered nothing in return. I'm sure in another world, a world that still wasn't picking at its wounds, a world that was safe. I would offer Peeta any affection without blinking an eye. But I didn't have that privilege. I lived in this world. A world that was safe but still one that was still picking at its wounds. What was holding me back then? The thought that this world still wasn't safe? The constant fear that Peeta would leave me? Frustrated I turned the shower off and stepped out, the cold air biting at my skin. I had no choice but to go and see Haymitch but my first priority was the smell of pancakes that was still wafting upstairs from the kitchen.


	2. Chapter 2

_**I haven't had much feedback for this story apart from a few of my friends but they held me to the table at gunpoint and kindly asked me to update (ha) so this chapter will be dedicated to them ;p**_

_**Anyways here is chapter 2**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own The Hunger Games or the characters or any thing else for that matter.**_

**Chapter 2**

I made my way into the kitchen, the pancakes that had been taunting me for the past hour stood on a plate in the middle of the table. Peeta was stood by the sink washing the pan he had made them in. But what really caught my gaze was the round pancake shape splodge on the ceiling. As if noticing my confusion Peeta follows my gaze up to the ceiling. I look at him, frowning "I may be good at frosting cakes but it's not easy to flip pancakes" he says

Despite the inner turmoil I had been experiencing this morning I laugh "Peeta Mellark, Panems best baker can't toss pancakes" I say sarcastically

"Hey, don't blame me the last time I made pancakes was…" Peeta trails off and I can tell by his expression that the last time he made pancakes was at the bakery, with his father, Rye maybe even Dan stood in the background. I cross over to him and wrap my arms around his waist. I mumble soothing words to him whilst my hand rubs his back in circles. Even though the situation we are in at the moment should not under no circumstances have anything romantic in it whatsoever, that does not mean I do not feel my heart speed up ten times as fast as it normally is due to the closeness of Peeta and I. I pull away and look Peeta in the eye (meaning my heart beat gets even faster if that is humanly possible) "I miss them too" I say. The smallest words that have one of the biggest meanings.

"I know" he says "I'm sorry, I just…"

"Peeta" I cut him off and pull his face down so he has no choice but to look me directly in the eye "It's alright," I say "You can't shut yourself up forever, I want you to know that I am always here for you, whenever you need to talk, wherever you need to talk, I will listen alright. We are the only two people in the world who know each other as well as we know each other, know what we have been through, how much pain we are experiencing, and I know you are hiding things Peeta. I know you're scared of your flashbacks, I know you're scared that if you say or do something wrong I'll leave. But I'm not going anywhere, I'll always be here for you. Don't ever forget that" I reach up and wipe the tears that are silently falling down Peetas face, spilling out of his brilliant blue orbs.

"I won't" he whispers "I promise"

"Now I don't know about you but I'm starving" I say in an attempt to lighten the mood.

"Me too" he smiles and we settle down to eat the pancakes.

After we had finished the pancakes and washed the dishes – it's safe to say Peeta will never make the mistake of putting me in charge of the washing up liquid or the glasses ever again – Peeta left to go down and carry on with rebuilding the bakery, just as we were trying to rebuild our lives. With breakfast over and done with I found my mind drifting back to my thoughts earlier this morning. Do I love Peeta? This morning I was thinking about going to see Haymitch, but now however, when it would be time to go and see him I was having second thoughts. There is no doubt Haymitch will laugh at me, tease me, annoy me and I will end up storming out of the house. But that is only four things that could go wrong – at best – and to be honest going to see Haymitch now and getting it over and done with sounds a whole lot better than sitting on the couch all day eating cheese buns and working on the memory book thinking about going to see Haymitch.

With my mind made up I cross over to the cupboard and grab a few cheese buns so I can start of the conversation with a little less awkwardness. I grab my hunting jacket, sling my boots onto my feet and walk outside.

The air has a light, spring-summer feel to it and the Primroses outside my front window are starting to blossom. It's as if Prim is coming home, telling me that she will always be watching over me. Telling me that I'm doing the right thing. But no matter how many times I tell myself that I am still having second thoughts about seeing Haymitch. Too soon I end up outside his front door, I don't bother knocking because he'll be passed out anyway. My hands are starting to get clammy and my hold on the bag of cheese buns is getting stronger. "It's now or never" I think as I push open the door.

_**Well what's Haymitch going to say then? Will he really be as bad as he sounds? Probably, please review it makes my day!**_

_**I have already written the next chapter so it will be up in the next few days… probably. **_

_**Thank you for reading ;p**_


	3. Chapter 3

_**Hi guys! I just want to say thank you to everyone who has reviewed and followed my story! Love you guys!**_

_**Anyway my friend (NCISbabe101) has just posted an NCIS fanfic called Rule 12 so go check it out guys!**_

_**Enough of my blabber here is Chapter 3**_

_**Disclaimer – I do not own the Hunger Games although I really wish I did ;) **_

**Chapter 3**

As soon as I stepped foot inside Haymitchs house I was overwhelmed with the stench of rotting food, vomit and alcohol. "So nothing much has changed here then" I mutter. And nothing really has, I walk over to the kitchen where I know I will find Haymitch slumped over a chair, knife in one hand and bottle in the other. But he's not. Confused I stumble over broken glass, manky clothes and god knows what else trying to find the old fool. I see that the back door is open slightly and my best guess he's outside in the exact same position but on the old rocking chair that lives on the back porch.

After ten near death experiences from whatever lives on the carpet in the hallway I finally make my way out of the door. As I pass I can't help but think that he needs a new door, a new house really but now is not the time to be picky, this door is nearly off its hinges and the last thing I need right now is Haymitch with a cold due to the draft. Really I have much more important things to think of right now.

As I step outside the spring breeze hits me for the second time today. The old wind chime, chimes promising a new life, a new dawn, a new era. Unfortunately it is this precise moment, the moment of tranquillity I was just experiencing, that Haymitch decides to let out a snore that could probably wake up every living thing in a 30 miles radius.

"Seriously Haymitch" I scream "A little consideration would be nice?"

Haymitch jumps, woken from his slumbers by my voice "What the hell!" he cries slashing blindly with his knife.

"You really know how to wake up peacefully, don't you Haymitch" I mutter sarcastically.

"Who…" Haymitch starts but then when realising who I was he slumps back down in his chair "Oh, it's you" he says

"What do you mean 'it's me'" I say, slightly irritated at the delightful welcome I was getting.

"Well whenever you come round to me after Bread Boy has been round you usually have something to ask me that forces me to forget about my nice drunk dream and sober up and listen to you,"

I scowl "Nice drunk dream? Seriously Haymitch"

"Hey, I was and also judging by the look on your face you **were **going to ask me something and it probably has something to do with Bread Boy"

I blush, beet root red and try and think of a witty comment to throw back at Haymitch but true Haymitch style, he beats me to it.

"Oh, so you were then," Haymitch laughs "and you were hoping that I would give you advice as I am your very intelligent mentor."

"Very intelligent mentor?" I ask "If you must know. I was coming to ask you for help, I have no idea what to do, and you're not helping with your sarcastic comments" I say because really he's not and I am feeling in the mood to kill something at the moment and it isn't even lunchtime yet. Also it will not help my criminal record if I have another murder added to the list.

"Come sit down" Haymitch gestures to the muddy flagstones that make up the patio area of his house and I sit down cross legged over one that isn't broken. His voice is slightly softer and I have a feeling it is because he recognises my tone and doesn't really feel like getting killed. Either that or he knows better than to mess with me. Right…

"He loves you, you know" Haymitch says staring off into the distance "He really does."

"How do you know that" I retort "He got hijacked, he got…" but before I can finish I am cut off by Haymitch.

"No one can change a person" Haymitch simply states "Not even the Capitol. He promised you he'd come back, didn't he? He promised you he'd never leave you"

"I suppose" I whisper but even that does not clarify my worries "I've been a bitch to him Haymitch, why does he still care about me? I was so selfish, I never thought of him. I always thought about myself, after the games I just left him. But despite all of that he still holds me when I have nightmares. He still cares, and now…" I whisper the last part and feel a weight lifted off my shoulders now I've let it all out.

"And now what?" Haymitch presses, but I can't seem to continue. After a moment of silence Haymitch speaks up again "You saved his life. You can't blame yourself for what happened after the games, you were scared, scared of love and what would happen in this kind of world. But that world is gone now. We're safe, and you do love him, however much you try and deny it, you do. I can see it in your eyes, in the way you look at him" Haymitch looks at me and I see something in his bloodshot eyes. Love, not the kind that I feel for Peeta, but a father, daughter kind of love. It's comforting, to know that someone's watching over you in that way.

"I don't deserve him" I mutter, and it's true, he is so kind, selfless and has a heart of gold. Me? I'm just a sorry excuse for a girl. A girl broken from war. A girl with nothing.

"You do" Haymitch looks at me again but I can't hold his gaze.

"I don't" I say irritated by his remark "You even admitted that!"

"I was drunk!" he backfires "I had just found out two of us were going back into the arena. You two are the only family that I have. You're like my kids"

"Well how do I know that you're not drunk now" I scream back at him "How do I know that you're not just saying this because I'm 'like your kid' and you don't want me to get hurt" By the time I finish I am stood up, contemplating whether or not to just run into the woods and cry. But Haymitch has other ideas. He has apparently had enough of me and has decided to take action. He grabs my shoulders and pins me up against the wall of the house, his breath in my face. The stench of liquor causing me to gag.

"You can't blame yourself for what happened the first time, this world was not safe then. But you can blame yourself the second. This world is safe. You fought for it. You risked your life to free this country. Your sister lost her goddamn life for this! Do you really want to waste her life by wallowing around your house every day? She lost her life for you! You have her life to live now as well as your own. Peeta isn't going to wait forever. Tell him. I want you to go home, wait for him to come home and tell him that you love him. Because you do. I know you do. Everyone in bloody Panem knows you do apart from you and him. Tell him Katniss. If not for your own sake but for his. For Prims. Now scoot!"

By the end of his speech tears are pouring down my face. How dare he mention Prim to me? How dare he use her against me? She is not some toy. She is a human. Without even looking back at Haymitch I storm out of the house, across the green, and into the woods.

_**Really sorry for the cliff-hanger but I love writing them (heehee) don't worry I will update as soon as I can ;)**_

_**I do have a quote from Chapter 4 from Katniss' father "Go with what your heart tells you and you will never regret it"**_

_**Don't worry I aren't bringing anyone back to life ;)**_

_**Keep the reviews coming pleaseeeee **_


	4. Chapter 4

_**Hellooo again!**_

_**I go back to school on Monday after half term so I won't be able to update as much. I will defiantly update next weekend and I will try and update sometime this week although I'm not going to promise anything.**_

_**Anyways let's see how Katniss reacts to Haymitchs advice ;) **_

_**Disclaimer – I do not own the Hunger Games or any of the characters or settings they are entirely Suzanne Collins creation **_

**Chapter 4**

I flew into the woods. Crashing through the undergrowth. It was only by pure chance that I passed the log that was home to my bow and arrows. I snatched them up and threw them onto my shoulder not pausing for a second. I had no idea where my feet were taking me, they had set a course of their own and weren't going to be altered anytime soon.

After about an hour, I start to slow down. My feet, apparently having found their destination. I break through the trees and come face to face with my lake. My father's lake, the place where I feel closest to him. Well, before District 13 and the Capitol decided to steal that part of my life away from me as well. To my delight, the footprints left by my camera crew and the refugees from District 12 are long gone. Washed away with the harsh rain and snow from the winter that has just passed. The last winter of the old Panem. The winter that left behind all evil. Followed by the spring that brought new hope and happiness.

I cross over to the water's edge. The run having taken the toll on my body. I scoop up a handful of the pure water in my hands and bring it to my lips. The icy liquid, welcome to my dry throat. As I have been running for quite some time I have had time to calm myself down a little after the little episode with Haymitch but the name still made me shake with anger.

How dare he say those things about Prim? He knows that I would do anything for her. So he is using her, using her to convince me to tell Peeta that I love him. But do I love him?

Even more frustrated with myself than I had been this morning I sit down, my back against a tree. My view of the lake, so peaceful. It seems ages ago that I was sat eating breakfast with Peeta. Peeta? I wonder what he's doing now. I know he won't be too worried about me as I often go hunting. On days like these I sometimes stay out until dusk. But I never miss the look on his face when I walk through the door on those kinds of days. These kinds of days. Relief that I am home safe. I know he will never admit it but he always worries about me when I go into the woods. Maybe they remind him too much of our first arena? With the mutts, Cato, Rue?

Stop it Katniss! I mentally scold myself. I do not need a breakdown in the middle of the woods! I have much more important things on my mind. Like Haymitch.

Half of me wishes that I hadn't gone to see him this morning. That everything he says is to spite me, to annoy me, provoke me, prove me wrong. But my other half? Well once I have gotten past my anger (not the easiest thing for me to do of all people) I know that everything he says is true. There is no point in trying to deny it.

I think of Peeta. Even in the worst situations he never fails to bring a smile to my face. He helps me, holds me, is patient with me, stays with me. But most importantly loves me. He makes me feel things that I have never experienced before and I know that it's this that scares me the most. The feeling of the unknown. Not just what will happen if I do tell Peeta I love him, but what will happen afterwards, marriage, children. And I know I'm not ready.

But I am seventeen years old. Still a child, even though many people have forgotten that over the last few years. I don't have to make these decisions yet.

I spot movement over the other side of the lake, a doe. Two years ago that doe would be dead right now. The constant ache of hunger in my lower abdomen outweighs beauty any day. But now I'm not hungry. Beauty outweighs it this time so I don't shoot. I take it all in. The doe looks directly at me and I swear it looks exactly like my father.

My father, telling me this is the right thing to do. Yes, when he died my mother also died. But they had so many years of happiness before that, years that I know both of them will never regret. I am brought back to a memory of my father. It was the first day of school. I was nervous that everyone would hate me, that I would say something wrong. My father turned round to me and said "Go with what your heart tells you and you will never regret it". Looking back it was a big lesson that went with a small scenario. But it's true. My father always was.

I think of him. What he would be doing if he were here right now. He'd tell me I loved him. To tell him I loved him. There's no doubt about that.

But I'm still confused about what's holding me back. Maybe Prim? No, I think to myself, she'd say the same.

I sit underneath the shade of the tree for hours. Thinking, just thinking, no words or actions needed. It is only when I see that the sun is getting lower. The world will be dark again soon. Ready for a new day. I'll need all the rest I can get. I have a big announcement to make tomorrow.

It's almost as if I can hear my father and Prim smile.

_**She's finally realised she loves Peeta *fangirl squeal***_

_**The quote from the next chapter comes from Peeta "I love you" fangirl squeal number two!**_

_**As I said I will try and get the next chapter up sometime this week, it depends how generous my teachers are with homework:/**_

_**Thank you all for your reviews, keep them coming ;)**_

_**NormyMellark99**_


	5. Chapter 5

_**Hi!**_

_**First off I want to say I'm really sorry I didn't update during the week. It's safe to say my teachers weren't nice with homework and I've had quite a lot of it :/ *depressing sigh* but here it is now! Enjoy! ;)**_

**Chapter 5**

_I stand in the meadow. The meadow that is covered in grass, flowers, life. I look around and see Peeta. An older Peeta. An older Peeta with two children. One of them, a dark haired girl with inquisitive blue eyes being chased around by her father. Squealing, giggling, free. The other, a blond haired, grey eyed boy that is stumbling towards me with something in his hand. "Mummy" he says, his eyes shining "Pwim"_

_I take the object in my hand. A single Primrose. Yellow and full of life. I look over at Peeta "Katniss" he says "Katniss, wake up"_

I roll over groggily, wiping the sleep out of my eyes to find daylight seeping in through the thin curtains. For a minute I am confused about where I am, how old I actually am. It's not until I see Peeta sat on the bed his eyes shining that I realise where I am again.

"Hey" he says "have a nice sleep?"

For a minute I think about telling him about my dream. But I don't want him to get the wrong idea. That I do want kids, because that is the one thing that I am never doing. Bringing an innocent life into this world. Even if the games are gone I have no idea if they will return and I will never, repeat never let that happen to my kids. But I do know that I will have to think about this dream later on without Peeta as I have no idea where the idea of children has come from and the thought scares me a little.

So I reply as brief and simple as I can "Great, I didn't have any nightmares"

"Neither did I" Peeta replies although I can tell by his mood there is something else on his mind. The way he looks as if he can't keep still.

"You okay?" I ask because I'm starting to get slightly worried about him. He is never normally this upbeat.

"Oh Katniss, your useless" he laughs but as with everything else anyone ever says to me I take it the wrong way.

"What do you mean, 'your useless'? I nearly single handily fought…" I start off again on one of my rants but Peeta cuts me off.

"Katniss what month is it" he asks me and I have no idea why this would be relevant to why I'm useless?

"Ermmm…May I think but what…?"

"What day is it?

"How am I supposed to know that?" I ask slightly irritated.

"Katniss, its May the eighth"

"So what. What's so special about the eighth of May?" and I really don't know what he's on about. Then I understand "Oh…it's my birthday isn't it?" and then I realise why Peeta is so jumpy this morning, he's got me a present. But despite that I am reminded of another fact. Birthdays should be spent with families. I have none. Well unless you count my mother who is in District 4 and the last time I spoke to her I had a bit of a breakdown. I have Peeta, still not too sure what I can call him? Haymitch, well considering our last meeting, not sure of that one either. Sae? Friend maybe, good friend as she kept me alive those awful months after the war…

As if reading my thoughts Peeta speaks again "Birthdays are a time for happiness, not grieving, now I want you to promise me right now you'll have fun today, alright?"

"Alright" I whisper "I'll try" and I know for Peeta's sake I'll have too.

"Good, now close your eyes" he instructs.

I do as he tells me and hold my hands out. Almost immediately I can feel the weight of something. A plate maybe? Oh, it's a cake.

"Open your eyes" Peeta tells me. I do as he says and am met with a beautiful sight.

A white cake, a pure white cake. With Primroses adorning the sides. Big ones, little ones, medium ones. All yellow, flowing down the sides of the cake, over the board and there in the centre in yellow icing the words _"Happy Birthday Katniss" _piped in what can only be Peeta's steady hand.

I didn't realise that the tears were flowing down my cheeks until I feel Peeta's thumb brush them off "I'm sorry, I just thought…" he starts

"Peeta" I cut him off, "It's beautiful" and it really is, this cake is the best present I've ever got, and it means so much to me, the primroses on the cake the primroses in the dream, the primroses outside and I'm met with the realisation that Prim will never leave me. She never did and she never will. She will be with me until the day I go to find her.

I look at Peeta and see his face flooding with relief. "I have got one more thing for you" he says hesitantly placing the cake on the bedside table.

It's comical how quickly I sit up "Really?" I ask "Another present, I've never had this much stuff for my birthday, ever"

Peeta laughs "Well we are rich now aren't we and it's your eighteenth, here" he hands me a small box wrapped in tissue paper, I quickly disregard the paper and open the box, sat in the middle of a cushion of red velvet is a small stone heart on a chain. But what really gets my attention is the small writing covering its surface.

"It's the names of every one you knew and lost in the war, I thought it would be symbolic to have it on a chain so it will rest against your heart" Peeta explains to me. And now I look more closely I can just make out Boggs' name, Finnicks name, Prims name.

"I love you" I whisper and now I said it I immediately regret it. I didn't mean to say that it just slipped out. Stupid, stupid, stupid I tell myself, I have now just ruined a day that could have been spent with Peeta. I can feel the blood rushing to my face causing my cheeks to glow a crimson red colour. I sneak a glance at Peeta and immediately wish I hadn't. He's thinking too hard, he's thinking as hard as he does when he has a flashback just as I'm debating whether or not to make a run for it Peeta looks up and I am pleasantly surprised to find that his eyes are still the crystal blue colour that I know so well, his fists not clenched together.

"You just told me you loved me? Real or not real" he asks me and I now realise the emotion etched onto his face. He doesn't quite believe me. He's wanted this for so long. He doesn't believe it's actually happening. I don't blame him. Neither do I really.

I surprise myself when I speak in a relatively calm voice. "Real" I say and the next thing I know I am in Peetas arms, my feet off the ground, being spun around. I put my hands on Peetas shoulders to brace myself. "Peeta!" I squeal "Put me down!"

Peeta lightly sets me onto the ground and rests his forehead on mine, our noses touching slightly. It takes all of my self-control not to reach up and kiss him , right here, right now, but I know Peeta wants to say something first.

"You don't know how long I've wanted to hear that" he whispers, although that whisper chimes around the whole room.

"I know" I say "I'm so, so sorry it took me so long to realise it but I…" but for the trillionth time this morning I am cut off by Peeta again, but I like this way much better.

His face moves closer to mine and when our lips meet I feel that familiar sensation in the pit of my stomach. Spreading out to the tips of my being. But this time there is no cameras, nobody to please, just us two. And that makes it seem like this is our first kiss. Not the millions of others we had.

I'm sure I could have kept kissing Peeta all day but I am quickly running out of oxygen. As much as I don't want to, I pull away. Peeta cradles my face with his hand and I know that there is nowhere in the world where I would rather be right now but right here, on my birthday with Peeta by my side.

"I love you" he whispers

"I love you too" I reply

"Always?" he asks

"Always" I clarify

_**Awwww, those two are soooo cute! Expect some more Everlark moments in the next few chapters as I really enjoyed writing about them! **_

_**I will try and update sometime next week again but I can't promise anything  
:( I normally have the next chapter ready before I post the previous chapter but chapter 6 is quite long and it's taking me longer to write ;)**_

_**If not I will defiantly update next weekend ;)**_

_**NormyMellark99**_


	6. Chapter 6

_**Heyy  
Sorry for the later update, I was going to update last night but I was busy with other stuff :/**_

_**Anyways my teachers have been kind to me with homework…do far, god knows what they'll give me over the next two days but I won't think about that yet!**_

_**This chapter is also very long! Word count of 3,158, my longest so far! It will probably be the longest chapter but ah well.**_

_**Here is chapter 6!**_

**Chapter 6**

I sit at the table watching Peeta make breakfast, just like any other day. But today is not just like any other day. Peeta knows I love him now, and he is happy. No, happy is an underestimate. A huge underestimate. As I watch him mix the recipe for cheese buns, his brows furrowed together in concentration, a small smile is tugging at his lips, a small smile I helped create and I have a feeling it will be a long time before it goes away.

"Need any help there" I ask, before I realise that might have been a bad idea.

Peeta laughs "You really think I'd trust you with this stuff" he motions to the ingredients and the hot oven.

"No, I wouldn't really trust myself either" I reply, and it's true, I am an expert at hunting, but baking. Let's just say I'd rather leave that field of expertise to Peeta.

"Maybe I should teach you sometime?" he asks looking up at me, whilst his hands carry on kneading the dough in a repetitive pattern.

"Maybe" I say "Although don't blame me if I set the house on fire"

Peeta laughs again, for the billionth time this morning. After the war whilst his flashbacks were more prominent he never laughed. It's gotten slightly easier, what with all the treatment Dr Aurelius gave him. But laughs are a rare thing with us two. We cherish them, they let us know that times will get better. Just like his flashbacks have, although both of us know they'll never really go away.

"I wouldn't blame you in a million years" he says his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Ha ha" I reply in the same tone "What we gonna do today then?" I ask, my voice perking up as Peeta puts the blobs of dough into the oven to cook, I'll never get tired of his baking.

"Well I was thinking we could go into the woods? You know because you like them so much. We don't have to, it was just an idea?" he says nervously, Peeta nervous? Wow, never knew I had that much of an effect on him!

"I think it would be a great idea" I say earnestly.

"Really?" he asks perking up "but as I don't really know the woods that well you'll have to think of a place"

"I know the perfect place" I smile thinking of the lake "I can teach you to swim?" I ask.

"We'll see" Peeta replies leaning down to kiss me "We'll see"

An hour later I am stood outside the front door, waiting for Peeta to close it. The rucksack filled with food, a blanket and painting materials is on his shoulder "All set?" he asks me as he turns around.

"Yup" I reply

"So where exactly are we going again?" he asks nervously as we walk down out of the Victors Village.

"You'll see" I reply casually, I haven't told him about the lake yet and I don't intend to let it slip. I want him to see the beauty of the place first-hand. Not be told about it and end up not getting the full effect when we get there.

"Katniss" he whines "Please tell me, you know I hate surprises"

"Well so do I and it would seem like you never pay attention to that" I reply with a hint of smugness in my voice, I've already won this one and he knows it.

But he's not one to back down that easily "What" he replies "When was the last time I surprised you?"

"Ermmm…let me think…this morning maybe?"

"That wasn't a surprise, you didn't even know I was going to…"

"What surprise me?" I reply laughing.

"No, ermmm…" he trails off, no idea how he's going to defend himself.

"It was a surprise Peeta, whether you like it or not" I say, by this time we have made our way through what remains of the town and are walking through the seam, construction crews work, cleaning the place up, laying down foundations, we both walk slightly faster wanting to escape this hell hole as soon as we can. When we reach the meadow, we run. The mass grave of our people has been covered up. But that doesn't change the fact we know what's there. Fortunately you can still see where the pit was dug so we run around the perimeter not wanting to walk on the ones we love.

But as Peeta rightly said, today is a day for happiness, not grieving so the thought that all of Peeta's family is under the ground, not even given a proper burial somehow manages to escape our heads. Especially when we come face to face with a bit of a problem.

"Ermm…how do we actually get into the woods Katniss" Peeta asks hesitantly surveying the area.

"What do you mean how do we get into the woods?" I ask bending down so I can fit through the gap.

"There's a fence" he says.

"Well done Einstein" I say even though I have no idea who Einstein is? Sounds like a mad scientist or something?

"What are you doing on the floor Katniss?" he asks me and I start finding this exchange rather hilarious.

"Getting into the woods" I say with a hint of sarcasm lingering in my voice.

"You mean we go under the fence?" he asks looking bewildered.

"Well we can't exactly go through it now can we?" I say but this time my voice is dripping with sarcasm.

"I can't do it Katniss, I won't fit, my leg?" he says and by the look on his face I can tell he's not lying.

"You can Peeta" I say standing up so I'm more of his height, brushing the mud off my knees as I speak "I'll help you, I might ask them to install a gate in it or something when we get back? You know, so you can get in easier" I ask him, hoping it sounds alright.

"You know I love you so much right" he asks me looking me in the eye and making my knees go weak.

"I know" I whisper "now let's get started."

After ten minutes of adjusting the fence Peeta finally manages to get through. He found it a lot harder because of his leg but I am determined not to let a prosthetic leg ruin today.

We start walking into the woods and I retrieve my bow and arrows from the log. Peeta looks around taking in the serenity of the scene. It's May so the woods are full of birds singing, plants and flowers blossoming and the rushing sound of water from the creek nearby.

"I can tell why you like this place so much" Peeta tells me still looking up into the trees.

"I always feel closer to my father when I come here, if it wasn't for him I'd probably never of come into the woods, I wouldn't be here" I say.

"I'd have thrown you some more bread" Peeta says with a smile.

"Don't you think your Mum would catch on?" I ask "You know, I might be wrong but you throwing bread to the same girl every day might have aroused some suspicion?" I add.

"Do I look as if I care?" Peeta asks as we set off.

"Nope" I say, popping the p, I refrain myself from saying I wouldn't have learnt to shoot and therefore would not have won the games. I don't want to spoil today.

By the time we reach the lake Peeta's leg is killing him, I know he would never admit to it but the way he is limping on it slightly leads me to believe he is in pain, and a lot of pain at that.

"Much further?" he pants, trying to keep up with my hunters tread.

"Nearly there" I reply, "Now close your eyes."

He does as I tell him too and I guide him into the clearing that holds the lake, my lake, my father's lake.

"Open your eyes" I whisper in his ear, he obeys and when he does his mouth opens in shock.

The lake does look beautiful today. The sun glistening off the water. Birds around the perimeter and the plants, lush and green around the side.

"You like it?" I ask even though I already know the answer.

"If I'd know this was here I may have been tempted to sneak out of the district myself" he says.

I laugh "Come on and sit down, your leg's hurting you" he starts to object but I cut him off "Don't try and deny it, I know you too well"

The pain must have taken a toll on him because when I lay a blanket down on the grass he immediately sits down on it. But I can tell his leg is still causing him a lot of pain by the way he is sitting.

"Why don't you take it off for a bit?" I suggest as I know that it can sometimes help.

Peeta looks at me with a look of disgust on his face "You don't need to see it like that, it's your birthday, you should be looking at nice things not my stump."

"It is a nice thing" I say "It makes you, you. The same way our scars do. Without them or your leg you wouldn't be you"

"You think so" Peeta asks and his face has taken on that look of 'I'm thinking really hard right now'.

"I know so" I say with as much sincerity as possible. I move over to pull Peetas trousers up, and when I do I see the area around his stump is bright red. I take his prosthetic off (well Peeta did, I kind of nearly broke the damn thing) and move over to the water's edge to splash some of the water over his leg. After a few minutes the redness starts to die down and Peetas face relaxes.

"Thank you" he says, his voice barely a whisper.

"No problem" I reply, digging in the bag for some food "Any idea where those cheese buns went?"

Peeta laughs "Katniss, you ate them on the way here"

I look at him confused "Really?" I remember eating a few but I didn't think I'd eaten all of them.

"Really" Peeta confirms with a smirk on his face.

"Oh" I reply, quite disheartened that I've got nothing to snack on but Peeta, being Peeta has a brilliant idea.

"Why don't we have some lunch now?" he asks "It's nearly noon"

I look up at the sky and see the sun is at its highest peak, the rays making the tops of the trees glisten with light.

"Please" I reply, my voice brimming with enthusiasm. I remember Peeta putting cake, my cake, in the basket. Chocolate cake with lots of frosting!

Peeta mumbles something incoherent but it sounds strangely like "that girl and cake" I let it slip, it's true. I love cake, years of my life spent starving have left me with a massive appetite. One that is sometimes quite hard to tame.

As Peeta sets out the food I let my mind drift to the times before the games. What would I be doing now if Prim hadn't been reaped? I'm eighteen now so I would have nearly finished school. My last reaping would be coming up. If there was still reapings. Who knows whether or not the rebellion would have happened? And then there's the whole situation with Peeta and Gale. Would I have married Gale, had children.

The thought of children reminds me of my dream yesterday morning. The children in that dream seemed so happy. Free, not plagued by the games. But what if something happened and I couldn't protect them. My nightmares, Peetas flashbacks, we'd have to tell them about the games. But would it be too much for them. Would they hate us for it?

Then there's Peeta. Would I marry him? I know that part of me wants to but there's still that part of me that thinks I'll lose him again, and I swear I would never let that happen again.

But what are me and Peeta then. We're definitely not husband and wife – well not yet anyway – I suppose we could be boyfriend and girlfriend but that doesn't seem enough for two people who have survived as much as we did together. Maybe partners, a couple. I don't know.

I turn my attention back to the present and find that Peeta has already laid out all the food.

"You alright there" he asks "You went for a few minutes"

"Did I? I'm sorry" I reply, not wanting Peeta to know what I was really thinking about. All the same he gives me a concerned glance before turning his attention back to the food.

Later on I am laid on the mat, my stomach bursting watching Peeta sketch something, me probably. The sun is burning down on us causing my body to feel extremely sweaty.

I suddenly have a strong urge to jump into the water.

I jump up, startling Peeta and causing his sketch book to fly into the air. "Race you" I call as I dash towards to cool surface, stripping off my clothes as I go. I hesitate for a second before taking my shirt off but am consulted slightly when I remember a bra and pants is the same as a bikini. Right…

But the water calls me and in another second I can feel the cool liquid surround my body. My head pops up long enough to see Peeta at the edge of the lake, still sully clothed.

"Peeta, get your ass in here right now before I come and pull you in myself" I threaten.

"I can't swim" Peeta says warily as if a giant fish will suddenly burst from the depths of the lake and swallow him whole.

"Well I can't exactly teach you when you're on the surface now can I?" I ask him.

"Well I guess not" he takes his shirt of and my eyes immediately find his chest. Wow, he's hot. Like not just a bit hot but hot, hot if you know what I mean. I do a quick count and he's got eight. Not just six but all eight. All eight! Wait, me, Katniss Everdeen thinking of words like hot and fit? What's wrong with me? Peeta looks down at me and laughs.

"Katniss, I understand that I am obviously irresistible but if you're going to get distracted and not teach me to swim properly then I'll have to put my shirt back on." He says reaching for the item of clothing.

"No" I cry but then try and backtrack, badly "I mean you can if you want but…erm…well…I…mean that you might not…ermm"

Peeta raises his eyebrows at me. "Might not be able to swim properly?" he suggests his eyes twinkling.

"Yes, that's what I was trying to say" I say very unconvincingly.

"Yeah, that's what I was thinking" Peeta adds before jumping into the water beside me.

He stays under the water for nearly a minute and by that time I am flipping out! My first reaction is that he's drowning but the mud from the bottom of the lake has been disturbed by me and Peeta so I can't see down. Plus I didn't really pay much attention to where Peeta jumped in, I was more bothered about the splash he made, so I have no idea where about he is.

Just as I'm beginning to really panic I feel something grab my legs and I immediately relax. Peetas head pops up beside me and I quickly lose it.

"Peeta what the hell were you thinking?! I thought you drowned." I yell at him, my face burning red.

I am glad that Peeta looks slightly sheepish as he deserves to feel like that. What was he thinking, he really scared me. But then his face breaks into a grin and he laughs. I fold my arms across my chest and turn away from him. Really annoyed by the fact he is not taking this seriously.

However whatever plan I had quickly resolves as Peeta wraps his arms around me and pulls me into him so my back is leaning against his chest.

"I'm sorry" he whispers by my ear making my breath speed up. "Please don't get mad at me, I was only joking."

I turn in his embrace to face him, wrapping my arms around his neck. You really can't stay annoyed with Peeta for long. Especially when he does puppy dog eyes on you. I mean seriously? Puppy dog eyes?

"I'm not mad at you" I tell him honestly "It's just you scared me a bit that's all"

"Don't worry about it" he tells me "Anyways what about those swimming lessons?"

Peeta is a quick learner and taking into account the quick lesson I gave him in the quell it doesn't take me long to show him the basic stroke and Peeta is swimming like Finnick. Finnick…

Katniss… I warn myself. Do not be thinking about death on your birthday. Do not be thinking about death on your birthday. Do not be thinking about death on your birthday.

I repeat this to myself I don't know how many times until my breathing returns back to normal, I open my eyes and see Peeta packing up the picnic, and I immediately feel my body relax. I'm safe.

Anyways, where was I? After Peeta learned to swim we spent the afternoon just relaxing having fun. We had a water fight in the lake. I still think I won but it's safe to say that Peeta would tell you otherwise. Peeta sketched for a bit. We ate some more food and yes we kissed. All in all it has been one of the best birthdays of my life.

Peeta was right. Birthdays are a time for happiness, with your family. Even if they aren't here. But somehow being at the lake I felt closer to them than I have done since the war. Especially my father and Prim.

"You ready?" Peeta asks me, snapping me out of my trance.

"Yeah" I reply and Peeta leans down to give me a quick kiss. One that makes my heart flutter with love.

Peeta intertwines our fingers and we start the long treck home.

When we arrive back home it is nearly dusk and the length of the day and the walk has taken a toll on my body. I get through the door only to find the phone ringing and six missed calls.

I look over at Peeta who has the same concerned expression on his face as I have. No one ever rings us unless there's an emergency.

This cannot be good.

_**Sorry, sorry, sorry, I know you all hate cliff hangers but I absolutely LOVE them! **_

_**As I said I will try and get the next chapter up by Saturday but I haven't actually written it yet so no promises.**_

_**Bye for now**_

_**NormyMellark99 xxx;)**_


	7. Chapter 7

_**Helloo again guys!**_

_**I have updated early! Yeyyy, go me! Actually thank my friend she was pestering me all through textiles saying "I will be very disappointed in you if I do not get an email through tonight saying there will be a new chapter for Rise from the ashes"**_

_**God knows what she would do tomorrow if I didn't update…**_

_**Anyways here is the cliff hanger that you have all been waiting for. Who's on the phone?**_

_**Here is chapter 7**_

**Chapter 7**

Peeta is still looking at me and I figure that time is running out. The phone only rings around six or seven times until the answer phone kicks in. As if by mutual agreement both Peeta and I step towards the phone, almost in synchrony and click the loudspeaker button.

Oh God help me.

"Katniss, Peeta? Is that you? I've been trying to call you all day, really, I have a schedule to adhere to!"

"Effie?" both Peeta and I look at each other in shock, this had been the last person we had expected to call us.

"Yes, it really is me! You both sound so much different!" Effie's bubbly voice chirps down the line and I hold back a sarcastic comment. Of course we sound different from the last time we spoke. Last time we were in the Capitol, just after the war. Peeta was in the recovery stages from his hijacking. I was in deep depression and grieving. No, I don't think we sound different at all.

But fortunately, or unfortunately depending from which side you look at it Peeta decides to answer her.

"Yes, well it's Katniss birthday today so we were hoping to have a nice day," Peeta says. To anyone else it would seem like he was being nice. Making conversation. But I know him too well. He is basically saying no bad news. I don't want you to spoil the day.

But Effie doesn't see it like that does she?

"Oh yes I almost forgot, what rude manners I have!" Effie exclaims "Happy Birthday Katniss!"

"Thanks" I mutter, not really very interested in where this conversation is going? What is the point of this? "I guess you must have a reason for calling?" I ask pointedly.

"Oh, yes" Effie says just remembering the whole point of the six missed calls. "Well Plutarch had a message for you…"

"Plutarch? If he had a message for us why isn't he ringing us?" Peeta asks, asking the question that had inhabited my brain as well.

"Manners!" Effie exclaims "and he too has a schedule to adhere to. Really, I am already thirty one seconds behind!"

"Well get on with it then" I think to myself, not even daring to speak out loud. This is Effie we're talking about here.

"Plutarch wants you to come and do an interview in the Capitol…"

Silence. Nobody speaks. I look at Peeta, right into his eyes and see the familiar clouded colour coming over them. A flashback. The capitol was mentioned. Interview, Plutarch, Effie. It's too much for him. He's going.

Effie is still talking, but I'm not listening. The messages are still on the answer machine, I don't care what she says at the moment. I cut Effie off and turn my attention to Peeta who has started to shake.

"Go" he says "run, go get Haymitch, please Katniss go!"

But I hold my ground, I can vaguely hear the phone ringing in the background, my befuddled mind process that it must be Effie but at the moment I couldn't care less.

"Please, Katniss" Peeta is whispering now, his hands pressed against his head as if he is bent on cracking his skull, "Please, I'm not safe."

But there is no force in the world that will make me leave his side. I only got him back for real this morning, and I know one thing for certain. I am never letting go.

So I instead I simply say "no" but there is no point, he can no longer hear me and I know the second he looks up I will be lucky if I can help him without getting at least one bruise. His eyes are like black pools. The love that was embedded in them so deeply this morning. The look of adoration when he cradled my face in his hands is gone. Instead I only see pure hate and loathing.

But I still do not run.

"You" he says, his voice sounding so hard and cruel a complete contrast from this morning. "It was you."

"No Peeta" I whisper "It was Snow, it was the Capitol, it was…"

"Don't lie to me" he spits "You killed me family, you're a mutt, a mutt! Why should I trust anything you say?"

"Because I love you" I mumble, trying to keep my voice from cracking "Please Peeta."

"Please Peeta" he mocks and doubt rushes through me like water. He has never got as bad as this and I know even if I do try and get Haymitch he'll stop me. Someway, somehow.

But Peetas yelling at me now. Accusing me of everything and anything. The venom polluting his blood. Cursing through his veins. Making him a different person and I know if I do not act soon he may do the unspeakable.

But I will never let Peeta suffer that guilt.

I cautiously walk towards him. Small steps, baby steps, so I do not seem like a threat. My Peeta has gone. There is nothing that reminds me of him here. He has been replaced with Snows creation.

But the small steps are not enough, as if in a last attempt to prove he is right Peeta whips around, his arms outstretched. Any other time I would think he was going to hug me but the coal black of his eyes tells me otherwise. He's going to kill me.

But before he gets the chance I kiss him.

Peeta doesn't react at first but after a long gruelling thirty seconds or so he returns it. Relief floods through me and I break the kiss only long enough to look at Peetas eyes.

Crystal blue. Full of guilt.

So I kiss him again. Wanting him to know I do not blame him. I still love him. I wrap my arms around his neck and deepen the kiss, trying to put as much love into it as I can.

When we finally break away I look at Peeta. His hands on my waist his forehead resting on mine.

"Did I hurt you?" the first words he says. It hits me how selfless he is, he is not worried about himself, only me.

"No" I reply, but my voice catches slightly, he nearly did.

Peeta picks up on this and moves away slightly, studying my face, looking for any signs of hurt. But he sees none. His brows furrow in confusion before he puts the pieces of the puzzle together.

"I am so sorry" he says "Sorry, sorry, sorry" then in a whisper, barely audible he adds "don't leave me."

Those three words send weights crushing down on my heart. I never thought that Peeta, Peeta of all people would say those three words. I hurt him so much and he never said that. Why now?

"Why do you think I would leave you?" I ask cautiously wondering what his answer would be.

"I nearly killed you. I would have killed you. I haven't had one that bad for ages. If you hadn't kissed me when you did. If I hadn't realised. You would be dead." Peeta admits and although I see sense in this I know Peeta wouldn't ever lay even a finger on me.

"You would never hurt me" I say "never"

"I could have" Peeta says his voice so small, so vulnerable, Peeta the only one who holds me together is breaking. I remember it's not just me who suffered.

"You're Peeta, you wouldn't have. You would have snapped out of it. If it was anyone's fault it was mine. You told me to run and I didn't. You want to know why? Because I am never going to leave you. Never, I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life on those train tracks. I didn't want to admit it but I loved you. The prospect was so scary for me. I had seen what it had done to my mother. I didn't want that. I wanted to take care of Prim. To protect her and relationships didn't come in to that. I failed her. But I love Prim. Her death broke me, the same was your hijacking broke me, your death in the quell broke me. Love breaks people but I had so many memories with Prim that I wouldn't trade for anything and I know my mother didn't regret one single second of her marriage to my father. It breaks people but it makes them stronger, makes them fight, that's what happened with you, with Prim. I will never leave you because I love you Peeta Mellark. There is nothing I want more in this world that to wake up beside you every morning, to hear you smile, laugh, sit with you, talk with you, hug you, kiss you. We both have our downfalls. We both aren't perfect people but that doesn't matter, we are perfect for each other. That's what matters. And I will say now, and I mean this with all my heart. I love you and I will never leave you."

Wow, Peetas soft side is really running off on me! That's my second heart wrenching speech of the day. What's up with me? But the look on Peetas face makes it worth it all.

Joy, hope, relief, adoration and that look that says I love you so much words cannot describe it. His blue orbs glistening with tears that are threatening to spill over his blonde lashes.

"I love you" he says "So much, you don't even know."

"I love you too" I say "and I want you to know that everything I said there is true"

"You really loved me in the games?" he asks as if there is no way on Earth this could be true.

"I think so" I admit "it wasn't an act, I knew then not all of it was an act. I just didn't want to hurt you by not giving you the love you wanted."

"I wouldn't have cared" Peeta says "I would have…"

But I cut him off "It doesn't matter now, we've sorted it. I can give you the love you want and that's all that matters right now."

"All that matters" Peeta repeats, his face moves down so his lips can meet mine, but just as they do the phone rings, I inwardly curse whoever has just ruined this kiss. But then I remember Effie.

Shit.

Peeta seems to be thinking along the same lines as me.

"God Effie" he says "You could have waited another five minutes, just five minutes. I know it would disrupt your schedule but really this is ten times more important than a piece of paper and a damn clock."

Despite the serious look on Peetas face I burst into a fit of giggles. Unable to control myself I stumble into the kitchen and grab a glass of water trying to contain my laughter. Peeta just looks at me amused.

"Ha ha ha" he says sarcastically "was I really that funny?"

"Nope" I manage to say before another bout of laughter hits me "it was just your face."

"Whats wrong with my face?" he asks, a smile tugging on the edges of his lips.

"Your face was priceless, you looked so serious,"

"Well I am now" he says and I am reminded of the conversation before Peetas flashback, why does Plutarch want an interview?

"Should we listen to the answer phone messages?" I ask

"It's still your birthday" Peetas reminds me, I almost forgot, was it really only twenty minutes ago that we came back from the forest? More specifically was it really only this morning I told Peeta I loved him? It seems like a lifetime ago!

"Yes, but if you're going to be awake all night worrying we need to listen to it" I say patiently.

"Oh, all right," Peeta relents knowing that I – as always – am right "I'm just worried that's all."

"Me too," I admit "but we're in this together."

"Your right," Peeta says and he presses the play button.

"Hello Katniss and Peeta, its Plutarch speaking. Please can you ring me as soon as possible? Thank you."

"Brief" Peeta mumbles as he presses the button to play the next message and the next and the next. All the same, the first three messages identical it's not until the fourth that he actually starts to talk.

"Katniss? Please pick up the goddamn phone. I have important matters to discuss."

He waits for about twenty seconds before he continues.

"Well as you seem incapable of picking up a phone I will have to tell you now. But can you please call me back soon to confirm it."

"Confirm what?" I ask Peeta but he shakes his head and holds up a finger. One minute.

"As you may be aware of the reaping was on the eighteenth of June. Just over a month away. All of the victors will be transported to the Capitol to take part in interviews and a celebratory banquet of the first year of freedom. We might do a yearly festival called 'freedom day' or something along those lines. If you have a better name please contact me. You won't be expected to come every year as it is a long journey but if you could participate in as many as you can. I will tell you more about times, dates and whatnot when you call to confirm, please reply as soon as possible."

And with that the line goes dead.

I look over at Peeta who has his head in his hands. "Not real, not real, not real" he keeps murmuring. Great not another one.

But when I take his face in my hands it's not too bad. I give him a hug, rubbing his back in circular motions until he calms down.

"I'm sorry" he says for the fifth time in the last hour.

"Don't apologise" I say.

"What are we going to do?" he asks me, his face reflecting pure helplessness.

"What we need to do to survive" I reply and Peeta smiles at me.

It's not until me and Peeta and in bed trying to sleep, our arms wrapped around each other that I realise how long this day has been. Just as I am drifting into unconsciousness I hear Peeta talking to me.

"There is one thing you said that definitely wasn't true" he says.

I turn in his embrace, "what do you mean?" I ask confused.

"You didn't fail Prim, you were the best sister anyone could have asked for. You did protect her. She knew what she was doing."

I smile "Thank you" I whisper as I rest my head in the crook of his neck my hand resting over his heart reminding me he is still with me.

Even with my darkest thoughts, I knew Peeta was right and it was this that I think finally made me make peace with her death. Not forget it. I could never do that. But stop blaming myself. She was a smart girl. She knew what she was doing and what she had to fight for. What she wanted to fight for.

She fought for justice and died in vain. That was the Prim I knew.

_**Eventful chapter much! Katniss and Peetas day has taken a turn for the worse. Katniss thinks about Prim and the mystery person on the phone!**_

_**Next chapter will probably be about their reaction in more detail – I think.**_

_**If you're lucky you might get another update on Sunday night, but no promises.**_

_**Also if you have an epically awesome (or awesomely epic as my friend says) idea for the name of the festival thing I would really appreciate you telling me, I'm at a loss.**_

_**Thank you all for the reviews, keep them coming ;)**_

_**NormyMellark99 xxx ;)**_


	8. Chapter 8

_**Hi guys!**_

_**First off can I thank you all for your lovely reviews and follows. I never thought I'd get one review let alone 32! Thank you all soo much!**_

_**Anyways here is chapter 8**_

**Chapter 8**

_**I'm sat at the kitchen table with Prim. She's sat opposite me sipping hot chocolate and eating a blueberry muffin. I keep waiting for the flames to devour her. To show me what I had done. I keep waiting for Prim to start screaming "It's your fault!"**_

_**But she never does. Instead we talk together, about everything and anything. I hate talking about girly things, clothes, and boys, anything else really. But today I do. Grateful that I have some time with my sister.**_

"_**It wasn't your fault" she whispers, as if in a trance "I'm with Dad now. I'm happy, I wish I was still with you though. But I still am in another way. As long as you keep me alive I will stay alive. Don't ignore Mum for me, please. I know you two don't have the best relationship but mend it. She needs you Katniss. You need her too, even if you don't want to admit it. You know why she didn't come back, it wasn't because she no longer cared. Go to her.**_

"_**I love you Katniss."**_

_**But still she never leaves.**_

My eye lids flutter open. I don't scream, I am not sweating, I had a nice dream for once. A nice dream that taught me a lesson. It isn't fair what I have done to my Mother. What she did wasn't fair to us either but I have learnt for myself now. Death of the ones we love breaks us. If I had children and if Peeta died?

The thought is so unbearable that I try and keep that thought brief. I would try and be there for my children but I would be broken. I have a new understanding of that and I promise myself I will try and see my Mother soon. But about the Capitol. A different kettle of fish, completely.

Then there was Prim. A happy Prim. A Prim with no scars. Laughing and I know I will keep that memory with me forever, as well as the countless others us two have shared.

For once the thought of her does not make me cry. I was right last night. I have made peace with her death… kind of.

I can tell by Peetas breathing that he is awake so I turn my head up to look up at him. As soon as he sees I am awake he flips me onto my back and kisses me.

It takes me a few seconds to get my bearings, I only woke up about a minute ago and I am still in a state of unconsciousness. But as soon as I do I immediately return the kiss, deepening it slightly, I run my fingers through Peetas blonde locks and judging by his moan I am doing well.

Go me!

When we finally break away, breathing heavily and return to our original position of my head resting on Peetas chest – shirtless chest to be precise, according to him the room is too hot? Not that I'm complaining, – his arms wrapped around me protectively that I finally speak.

"What was that for?" I ask smiling.

"A nice morning kiss I think?" Peeta replies and I can feel his chest move as he chuckles.

"You call that a morning kiss?" I ask trying to sound accusing or something but by the grin that's threatening to split my face in half I am not really doing too well.

"Yup" Peeta replies, grinning as much as I am.

"Well, if that's a morning kiss, what's a full make out session?" I ask him.

"You wanna find out?" Peeta asks, and despite my only newly confessed love for Peeta I really couldn't care less if he did.

What? Was I really just thinking that? What the hell is wrong with me? Take it slowly, that's always been my motto. Do what you need to do to survive, this is slightly overwhelming.

Still doesn't take away my previous thought of actually agreeing to Peetas request.

Oh Katniss…

But Peeta knows I am not ready for anything like that and is more than happy to just hold me not even kiss me if I don't want him too – not that I'm saying I don't want him to kiss me as I do, – not push me into doing anything I don't want to.

That's one of the many reasons I love him. And I defiantly don't know what I would do if he wasn't like that.

I look up at Peeta again and now I am fully awake I notice the dark circles around his eyes.

"How long did you sleep for?" I ask him.

"Long enough," he replies, but his face and mood tell me otherwise.

"You didn't sleep." I accuse him "Why?"

"I did!" he tries to defend himself but I'm not having any of it.

"Why Peeta" my voice softer this time "Please tell me, I'm worried about you."

"I couldn't" he replies "Too many thoughts about stuff"

I know as soon as he says it he's talking about the Capitol.

"You should have woken me" I tell him tracing patterns with my hand over his bare skin "I would have helped you."

"You need sleep" Peeta says but then realises the irony behind his word choice.

"Exactly my point," I tell him "I wouldn't have minded, I wake you up all the time with my nightmares and you never wake me up."

"I don't need to, I wake up and you're beside me wrapped around me. Snoring your head off most of the time. That's all the help I need."

" . " I tell him not missing a beat "But if it helps I was thinking of seeing Haymitch today, just to ask him about it all." I add, sounding a lot nicer.

"You do." Peeta says "and good idea, I was thinking of the same thing."

"Great minds think alike" I say disregarding the whole snoring conversation. I don't snore, Peetas just saying that to wind me up. And he'll carry on doing it until he knows I have won. I know him too well.

"Exactly, and we haven't seen him for about a week. We need to make sure the old man's still alive." Peeta agrees and I nod, a slightly sheepish look on my face. Peeta doesn't know about mine and Haymitchs argument…yet.

"What's wrong?" Peeta asks picking up on my turn in behaviour.

"I kind of went to see him the other day," I admit.

"Still breathing then?" Peeta asks as if nothing's wrong but I know he knows something's wrong. He knows me too well as well.

"Haymitch had a big go at me about you. Told me to sort my brain out and tell you I love you because I do I just don't want to admit it. Then he brought Prim into it so I got angry with him, stormed out of the house and slammed the door. I haven't spoken to him since." I blurt out, each word running into the other.

"Well I have a lot to owe him then" Peeta says staring out of the crack in the curtains, "we should get up."

"We should do doesn't mean I want to" I say sincerely.

We spent the rest of the morning in bed. Just in bed can I add.

It's the middle of the afternoon when me and Peeta finally make our way over to Haymitchs house. We didn't even get out of bed until noon.

New record!

As I walk across to Haymitchs house, Peetas fingers intertwined with my own I feel a sense of contentment. I will never truly be able to heal after the war but I think I am doing well.

With people you love and people who love you surrounding you, you can do anything you wish.

We reach Haymitchs house, not even bothering to knock, Peeta kicks the door open and we get ready for the stench.

"He's outdone himself" I say "This place reeks!"

"You're right there, what the hell has he been doing?"

We reach the kitchen table to find Haymitch slumped over it, a bottle in one hand – empty of course – a knife in the other and a mountain of vomit surrounding him.

"Lovely" I say slightly exasperated. I hop over to the window and throw it open whilst Peeta busies himself filling a pitcher of water.

"You would think his living standards would have improved after the war wouldn't you?" Peeta asks, but more for himself than anyone else.

I answer him anyway "Would of" I say and Peeta laughs.

He throws the icy water over Haymitchs head and jumps back beside me, well slightly in front of me as if Haymitch is going to throw the knife at me.

I think we figured out Haymitch is totally incapable of handling a knife whilst we were training for the quell.

Still an overprotective Peeta is sweet.

"What the hell!" Haymitch screams "Oh, it's only you."

Typical greeting then Haymitch.

"Good afternoon to you too." I mutter but then Haymitch notices our linked hands.

"What's this then?" he asks "Sweetheart over here listen to my advice?"

"I didn't listen to you. I thought about it and came to a mature decision all by myself." I say with an air of superiority.

"Sure" Haymitch mumbles sarcastically but then changes the subject knowing if he doesn't I will bash his skull in.

I wonder how many of you know that I actually do mean that.

"What do I have the pleasure of you two today then" he asks but something in his bloodshot eyes tells me he already knows.

"Plutarch rang" Peeta says

"I know" Haymitch answers "What you gonna do about it then?"

"That's why we came to you" I say "We thought you might…" but Haymitch cuts me off.

"Still be up for the mentor thing. Yeah, yeah I know," he says waving his hand "Not much we can do though to be honest."

"Why not?" Peeta asks "I'm not about to go back to their little game. I've had enough of that already. We fought for our freedom. We deserve it."

It's times like these when I remember how good Peeta is with words and how lame I am in comparison…ah well.

"Look, do I look like I like it either?" Haymitch asks us irritated "I have to go as well."

"I just want to live a normal life," I mutter and it's true, is it really that much to ask for after all I've done. Just a normal life?

"You can't sweetheart," Haymitch says and am I imagining it or do I hear some sympathy in his voice? "You're the one who gave them hope, they love you. But if you go to the Capitol and do the interview, make them know that you don't want to be in the spotlight. The districts might understand. The Capitol… a different game. But the districts will respect your choice. They know how you feel. You are the same as all of them, but you will never be able to fully get rid of your celebrity status. None of us will."

I know he's right, as much as it pains me to say that, but maybe he is right, maybe the districts will respect us… somehow.

"You mean if we go. We can stop it?" Peeta asks cautiously as if it's too good to be true.

"No, not completely" Haymitch says "But to a certain degree yes. Plutarch will be the real difficulty."

"I'll get round him," I say mischievously and I have no doubt I will. I can be very ruthless and persuasive if I want to!

"No doubt you will sweetheart," Haymitch chuckles "He won't know what's hit him."

We all laugh and right then I realise we are all family. None of us blood related but all bonded by love and our colliding pasts. But blood doesn't matter in a family. It's the love and bond you have that makes it a real family. You could have the exact same blood, be someone's daughter but loathe the other person. That's not a family.

But the trust we have makes us one. We saved each other's lives countless times sometimes putting ourselves at risk.

Yeah, we're a family.

Me and Peeta say our goodbyes and begin to walk outside but I am struck with a thought. An amazing thought. One that could stop the trip.

"Haymitch?" I ask cautiously.

"What is it sweetheart?" he asks without even turning around and something in his posture tells me he already knows what I'm going to ask him. Is he psychic or something?

"I'm confined to District 12" I say and Peeta looks at me and Haymitch hopefully "I'm not allowed out of the District."

"Plutarch will have sorted that out. Probably one of the first things he did."

"Sorry to burst your bubble." He adds un-necessarily

I huff in exasperation "Just thought it was worth asking" I say whilst walking out of the door. Peeta trailing behind me. "Wishful thinking I guess."

When we are outside Peeta turns to me. "We'll be fine" he tries to convince me "We can put on a good show."

I laugh a good laugh. "That we will, we can explain everything. Make Plutarch sorry he ever sent us there. We don't have to act anymore or be cautious about anything."

"That is true" Peeta agrees "That is true. We can have a right ball. Accuse the Capitol of everything."

"They will be sorry." I say making sure Peeta knows the full extent of my threat.

"If you even say half of what I think you're going to say they will not let you on another programme for the rest of your life."

"Then lets' hope I say it all!" I laugh.

And we set off back towards the house.

_**Haha, great interaction with Haymitch. I can just imagine that happening! **_

_**I haven't finished the next chapter yet but so far it is a bit of a filler chapter before they go to the Capitol! **_

_**The whole Capitol thing will probably start in Chapter 10! :D**_

_**As usual I will try and update during the week, it depends on homework.**_

_**Thanks again for all your reviews! Keep them coming ;)**_

_**NormyMellark99**_

_**xxx**_


	9. Chapter 9

_**Hi people!**_

_**So this is kind of a bit of a filler chapter before we go to the Capitol! But not a massive filler chapter as there is quite an important bit at the end!**_

_**You can thank one of my friends Mockingjay107 again for this update as she is still constantly pestering me about updating.**_

_**But hey it's working ;)**_

_**Also another one of my friends **__**MissusLucyHonda**__** has wrote a Hunger Games fanfic called Let the Games begin. It's AMAZING and she hasn't had much of a response so go check it out. Please! **_

_**Anyways here is Chapter 9.**_

**Chapter 9**

Two days.

Forty eight hours.

Two thousand, eight hundred and eighty minutes.

One hundred and seventy two thousand, eight hundred seconds.

Until I go to the Capitol. Until we go to the Capitol.

The nightmares have got progressively worse over the last few weeks. Every night without fail I have woken up in a cold sweat, screaming blue murder. Peeta has been forced to hold me. Calm me down remind me that it's not real.

But it is.

Faces, names, people. Everything, everyone that I have lost. The population has lost. Constant grieving, pain, suffering, mourning.

Never ending nights.

Peetas flashbacks have got more frequent too but only on one occasion did I run. I never did again for the guilt that overtook me for the rest of that week. Nothing Peeta said or did could take it away.

I'm at a loss. In two days I will be on a train. Three days, the Capitol. Four days, interviews, banquets, photo shoots, crowds screaming my name at a pitch I never thought it was possible for humans to reach.

All because of me. All my fault. Those damn berries.

Then there is always the rational side of my that tells myself. Panem would still be ruled by Snow. There would still be the games. Children dying.

But children died anyway. Possibly more than what would of.

Depending on how long we survived like that. Corrupt governments always get overturned. Or so the history books that were found in a secret chamber near Snows quarters told us. Millions of records, documents from thousands of years ago. Tales of monarchy's, soilders, wars, poverty, rich, poor and slavery.

They say that's where Snow got his ideas from.

I still think, however, it was his imagination. Not a nice place to be I have found from past experience. Even now I still shudder from the thought.

I sit on the couch. The TV off, the music off, the only sound that can be heard is the Capitol 'washing machine' banging and clanking from the load of washing Peeta put in this morning.

He still doesn't trust me with it. Doesn't surprise me. Last time I put it on I didn't close the door properly and the kitchen got flooded. Peeta fit it with some kind of safety lock but still hasn't let me use the damn thing yet.

I don't mind. I much prefer the traditional methods. Scrubbing until your hands are raw. More of a self-achievement at the end. Who cares if it takes more time? And no Capitol washing powder smell that makes the clothes reek. Even if Peeta did find a 'forest' scented one. Dedicated to me.

It really does say that on the back of the packet 'dedicated to Katniss Everdeen' what a waste of ink.

Oh I forgot, the Capitol doesn't care about waste.

I turn over on the couch, wrapping the blanket closer to my body. Enveloping my arms inside it. However I soon get bored and start pacing. Again.

I have no idea what to do with myself? Peeta has gone to town to help rebuild the new bakery. I think? I don't even know anymore?

What shall I do?

I stand in the middle of the room. One of those rare moments when the weight of the world comes crashing down on me.

What is my purpose here?

Why am I still alive?

Why is everyone else dead?

I should have just died in the arena.

It would be for the best… or would it?

That little voice in the back of my head tells me to stop. I hear Prims laugh in the dream I had the other week. My children's laughs on the day before I told Peeta I loved him. I hear Peetas laugh.

And just like that I come back to reality. Back to the world where I belong.

I didn't used to believe in fate. I never believed in anything superstitious. But I guess fate is telling me something. Everything happens for a reason. I don't know what reason the deaths have but I guess they made the remainder of us stronger. We can overcome everything. Anything.

If I didn't have a reason for living why would I be here?

It's this thought that makes me stop pacing and sit back down.

But still…just sat down.

In about an hours' time I am restless again. I decide to get up and go into the kitchen but something on the phone table catches my attention. A piece of paper with my mother's number on it. I remember the dream with Prim and am faced with an important question.

Do I call her?

This question consumes my mind for most of the day. It gets to three o'clock. I know it's now or never. Peeta will be home soon, and hour at the minimum. If I want to call my mother I have to do it now.

I sit at one of the chairs in the kitchen. Phone in hand. Paper on table. Do I call her?

"Katniss, just do it, dial the number and get it over and done with" I scold myself out loud, "Ring the damn number."

I do but after three rings I abruptly hang up.

"Coward, chicken, idiot" I call myself every name I can think of before the phone starts ringing again.

Crap.

Without thinking I pick it up. Not the first mistake I have made today, one of many. But this one might just be the worst.

Why did I pick up the damn phone? What good will this have? But now is not the time to ponder that question. My mother is speaking.

Shit. Crap. Oh dammit.

"Hello?" she says "Anyone there?"

"Ermmm… hi?" I say, well mumble more like, I'm surprised she can hear me.

"Katniss? Is that you" she asks me as if this can't be real. I don't even know if it is to be honest?

"Yeah" I say hesitantly "It's me."

"Hi, how are you?" she asks me brightly, sounding as if she's overjoyed that her daughter is calling her. Not the other way round.

"Good, really good actually" I say perking up a bit, well it's not exactly a lie I have been doing better. Well before we were told about the Capitol.

Just the same then. The Capitol ruining everything.

"Glad to hear it," she says "Look, I'm really sorry I didn't ring you on your birthday, I was meaning to but I had a six hour surgery to do and by the time I got home I was…"

I cut her off, about to get angry about her making up excuses but to be honest I have a feeling she's telling the truth and this phone call is supposed to be about me apologising not getting angry.

Oh yeah…apology, I forgot about that. Great!

"Don't worry, I had a nice day," I tell her truthfully. Really it's the best day I have had since…well a long time ago.

"Good, good. How is Peeta?" she asks, uh oh, should I tell her about me and Peeta? I mean she is still my mother, she might take the whole 'Peetas kind of living in my house' thing the wrong way.

I decide to tell her…just not that bit of specific information. I know I am completely and utterly innocent but she might not think that.

"Great" I say earnestly "he's doing really well."

"And….." she asks me knowingly.

"Yeah…" I reply stringing out the word.

"Yeah what?" she asks and I can hear her laughing at the other end of the phone "Don't worry I won't make you say it. I'm happy for you Katniss. It took you long enough."

"I know, Haymitch kind of kicked my ass a bit, but I finally realised I loved him" I say laughing. Me and my mother laughing. What's happened to me over the past few weeks?

Oh yeah. Peetas great personality and soft side is rubbing off on me. Yippee!

"I never in my life thought I'd hear you of all people say the word 'love'" she says "Go Haymitch!" she adds sarcastically.

"I kicked his ass harder of course," I can't help but add.

"Of course you did," she says mustering up more sarcasm than I thought she had in her entire body. She sounds better. If you can ever get better after losing a daughter and a husband

We continue talking for the next half an hour or so. Just chatting, talking, filling each other in on stuff. I tell her about the Capitol and expertly avoid answering questions about mine and Peetas relationship earning many chuckles from my mother. Likewise she avoids answering questions about coming to visit us in District twelve.

But now, for the first time I understand why she doesn't want to.

I can tell by my mother's tone that she needs to go soon, but I still have one more thing to tell her…

"Mum?" I ask hesitantly,

"What is it?" she asks me, noticing the change in my tone of voice.

"I just wanted to say sorry," I admit.

"Sorry?" she asks "Sorry for what?"

Really? She chooses now to be difficult.

"Sorry for how I treated you all these years. I know you couldn't help it when Dad died and I will never fully forgive you for what you did to me and Prim. But I want you to know I want to try and mend our relationship. I know that Prim and Dad would want us too and I know I want us to, too. I kind of get how you felt now after I lost so many people I loved and cared for. I'm so sorry."

I finish and I can hear my mother crying silent tears on the other end of the line.

"Thank you so much Katniss. You don't know how much that means to me," she tells me.

"It's alright," I whisper."

"You really meant all of that?" she asks me

"Of course I did, otherwise I wouldn't be saying it would I?" I tell her, but not in a harsh way.

"I guess not," she whispers "Come visit me in four would you? You know why I can't come back, not just yet anyway?"

"I know," I say "and we'll come and visit you soon, after we've gone to the Capitol."

"I'll look forward to it," she tells me

"Me too, bye mum."

"Bye Katniss…I love you" she adds somewhat hesitantly and I know that she's just worried about my reaction. She needn't though.

"I love you too," I say and I can hear her smile at the other end of the line before it goes dead.

I turn around and see Peeta stood in the doorway.

"Ummm…Hi?" I say

"Hi to you too" he laughs

"How much of that did you hear?" I ask him, wondering how long he has actually been stood there and most importantly how I didn't hear him come in. What happened to my amazing hunter instincts?

"From about when you started apologising," he tells me

"Oh…" I say

"Don't worry, I'm glad you did, what made you anyway?" he asks me

"I had a dream about Prim the other week, she told me to forgive her so I did."

"You did do it for yourself though?" Peeta asks me concerned "Not just for Prim?"

"Yeah, didn't I just tell her that?" I reply and Peetas face floods with relief "Just checking."

"What you got for tea?" I ask with a smirk.

"Food" he replies grinning.

_**Vague reply there Peeta! Haha, that's what I always tell my mum when she asks me what I want for lunch ;D her reaction is always hilarious!**_

_**Anyways Katniss has finally apologised to her Mum n'awwww and is also really depressed ;( depressing!**_

_**The next chapter will be that start of their trip to the Capitol!**_

_**I will try and post the next chapter at the weekend but I haven't exactly written it yet so I'm not promising anything.**_

_**Yeah Mockingjay107 stop pestering me! ;) **_

_**Love ya really ;)**_

_**Until next time cheerio! **_

_**NormyMellark99**_

_**Xxx ;p**_


	10. Chapter 10

_**I am so so so so so sorry that this chapter took so long to put up. I had four teeth out this week and a really bad sore throat so I haven't really felt up to writing, the writer's block really didn't help as well.**_

_**On a lighter note to anyone who watched the Top Gear special last weekend did you notice it had The Hunger Games soundtrack on it? I was sooo happy! ;)**_

_**Disclaimer – I am really bad at remembering to put these but I do not own The Hunger Games or any of the characters or storyline etc. etc.**_

**Chapter 10**

As soon as I wake up I can sense that something is wrong. As soon as I realise what it is I will myself to go back to sleep.

Today I'm going to the Capitol.

The thought consumes me until I'm sure I'm about to scream. All the other days I have felt like this I have always been able to make peace with the fact I still had more time to overcome my fears.

But I have no time. It's today. Like right now. No waiting. No more thinking. It's happening.

The only thing that helps me make peace with this thought is the steady rise and fall of Peetas chest underneath my head. We're in this together. Together nothing can go wrong.

Well I suppose it could. My mind goes blank as I think about what happened last time we was in the Capitol together. But I quickly dismiss the thought. Prim is in a better place now, so is Finnick, Boggs, Castor, Mitchell, Homes, Jackson, Messalla even Leeg 1 and 2.

They can watch over their families in peace now. Finnick can still watch his son grow up, even if he doesn't get to participate in it. Castor can still watch over his brother. Make sure he is socialising properly. Leeg 1 and 2 can watch over their parents.

Although it's not the same in some ways it is better. I silently laugh to myself when I think about Finnick being able to keep a watchful eye over his son when he gets older. Haha, I cringe. No father should ever be put through that!

Anyways let's not think about that anymore thank you very much! There is no point because by the way Peetas breathing has sped up I can tell he is slowly waking up. I gently kiss his lips to try and make him wake him up quicker.

It's safe to say it did the trick.

Peetas eyes flutter open and his blue eyes lock onto mine. He pecks me on the lips and then pulls me back down into his chest. His face buried in my hair. I can tell he doesn't really want to get out of bed either. Not that I'm complaining.

After about half an hour of just lying there I glance at the clock and see it reads eight o'clock.

"We need to get up," I mumble, half asleep.

"No we don't," is Peetas reply, I laugh.

"We do" I say which prompts another five minutes of "we do," and "we don't" passing back and forth. By this time it is nearly eight fifteen. In an hour and a quarter we will be on the train.

We **really** need to get up now. Knowing if I don't get up in the next few minutes I won't move at all I jump out of bed, into the bathroom and into the shower, turning the water as hot as it will get trying desperately to wake me body up.

I pour some shampoo onto my head – forest smell again, also dedicated to me? – and wash my hair. When I am done I step outside dry myself and pad back into the bedroom, my towel wrapped around me to find Peeta in the exact same position as I left him.

This is the moment when I am truly grateful that Peeta make us pack our bags last night. We would never catch the train on time if we had to do that as well.

"Wake up lazy bones!" I shout, whilst I roll Peeta off the bed and onto the floor with my hands.

"Whoa! What was that for?" Peeta screams, his hands flying out from the sides of his body to brace himself.

"We have exactly one hour until we will be on the train and I don't know about you but I would really like it if we were on time," I state matter of fact.

"Now you sound like bloody Effie," Peeta mumbles into the pillows but he must see sense because he starts to walk into the bathroom "I made some blueberry pancakes yesterday, have as many as you want but please leave some for me?"

I laugh "Don't worry…I won't" I say already half way out the door.

"You'll be sorry," he says still half asleep – he sounds cute when he's half asleep…what?

"Will I?" I chuckle, not loud enough for him to hear me. I dread to think what would happen if I didn't leave him his pancake…

An hour later me, Peeta and Haymitch are standing on the platform at the station with glum expressions. Mine and Peetas hands are gripped together so tightly I am surprised we haven't cut off the blood circulation.

None of us can forget the last time we got onto a train like this – other than the cargo train that transported me and Peeta to the Capitol during the war – the last time was before the quarter quell, when me and Peeta were both determined to save each other.

Well I guess that happened but we were not prepared in the slightest for the rest.

Then the last time we went to the Capitol was during the war. I don't even want to think about that endeavour. The horrors both me and Peeta faced. The smell of blood and roses that I still smell in my nightmares.

This is why I know this journey will be so difficult.

Whilst I have been in my own world, thinking about the trip ahead of us, of me, I have not noticed that the train has pulled into the station. There are not many people on it as it has just arrived from District thirteen which is not a popular destination and apart from the few people hoping to settle down elsewhere around Panem or visit relatives there is nobody.

Peeta picks up the small suitcase holding our belongings and with his other hand still gripped around mine we start walking towards the train, Haymitch following in our wake with a half full (or half empty depending on how you look at it) bottle clutched to his chest as if he is afraid someone would confiscate it.

I wonder if he realised actually how deadly he can be when his alcohol is put into the equation?

As soon as I step onto the train I am overcome with the amount of memories threatening to suffocate me. I automatically look behind me at the platform and see my mother, Prim, and even Gale stood there, faces smothered with grief and desperation.

It's almost as if I'm about to go into my first games again.

If it wasn't for Haymitch I could have stood there all day wallowing in self-pity but he pushes me into the carriage and nods his head towards Peeta who is having as bad – if not worse – time as me. Silently we pass the few stragglers on the train to our compartments.

As we are 'celebrities' as you might want to put it we get special facilities which consists of a compartment to sleep in as the trip will take about a day. The good side to this is that me and Peeta will be comfortable and be able to hide when more people get onto the train.

I will never again be able to walk anywhere outside district twelve without someone saying my name.

The bad side? It is the exact same layout of the compartment on the tribute train. Just fantastic!

Me and Peeta step inside the room and whilst Peeta closes the door I get a good look at the room.

A double bed stands near the window. The window that has a perfect view of the countryside that not many people got to see before the war. A small dresser and an even smaller bathroom stand at the other side of the room.

Well maybe it's not the same layout as it used to be, but the prospect is still there.

I can feel Peeta turn around and tense up by the slight shift in the air around me. I am glad for my hunters instincts because I have a feeling that we are about to experience the first flashback of many.

I turn around and as I expected Peetas eyes are screwed shut, his hands balled into fists by the side of his body. I take a few steps towards him and wrap my arms around his waist. Mumbling soothing words to him one of my hands rubs his back in circles trying to calm him down.

"Not real. Not real. I promise you it's not real," I repeat again and again. Not really wanting to know what kind of images he is seeing at the moment.

Just when I am about to start getting slightly worried about his lack of movement Peetas arms capture me and a bone crushing hug. Countless "I'm sorry'" fall out of his mouth. I really hate how selfless he is sometimes.

"Peeta its fine, don't worry," I try to console him.

"Did I hurt you?" he whispers.

"No, you didn't" I reply, my heart breaking at how vulnerable and scared he sounds.

"Promise?" he asks, still not convinced.

"Promise" I say as sincerely as I can.

I have a feeling this is going to be a long day and it hasn't even started yet.

_**Sorry for taking so long to post this. I was going to do a longer chapter but I really needed to get this one up. I will try my very best to update during the week to make up for the late update.**_

_**Also the Easter holidays start next week so I will have two whole weeks off school to write lots more chapters!**_

_**Thank you all for your lovely reviews and follows!**_

_**NormyMellark99**_


	11. Chapter 11

_**Hi guys!**_

_**Quick authors note today as I'm meant to be in bed…oppsss…I would have posted this chapter earlier but it's my birthday and I had some of my family round for tea, plus I only just finished this chapter.**_

_**Also my best friend NCISbabe101 has posted a Hunger Games one shot called birthday surprises so go and check it out please.**_

_**Anyway, here is chapter 11. Enjoy!**_

**Chapter 11**

The rest of the day passes by fairly un-eventful. After Peetas flashback this morning he only has a few more, all of which weren't as bad as we thought they would be. Only consisting of Peeta zoning out for a few minutes but returning as soon as he felt my arms around his waist.

Currently it is late afternoon and me, Peeta and Haymitch are sat around a small table in the canteen area of the train trying to hide our faces. We found out as soon as we started stopping off at the more popular districts that they had a huge fascination with us.

Basically just an hour of people and photographers screaming for autographs whilst we tried to get into our compartment. It wasn't until I threatened to shoot them all with my bow that they decided to back off.

Yes, it did take me taking my bow out of my case and pointing at them for that to happen… and before you ask yes I do have my bow with me – just for security reasons.

What can I say – we needed it!

We then spent the rest of the time before lunch searching for suitable disguises. I ended up wearing one of Peetas hoodies, a pair of large sunglasses and I took my hair out of my braid.

Peeta on the other hand had to find some oversized sweatpants and an oversized hoodie. He is also sporting a pair of sunglasses.

Haymitch? Yeah, we'll leave that one.

Anyways after we had found our disguises – I think we did well with them considering what we had to work with – we ordered lunch in our compartment as none of us really wanted a replay of what just happened and then basically just lounged around.

Until we realised we really wanted a change of scenery. One can only be in the same space as Haymitch for so long before they snap.

That then led us to moving to the canteen. Which brings us to where we are now.

My head is currently in Peetas lap and I know if it wasn't mandatory for me to have the stupid hood up his fingers would be playing around with my hair. I have my legs tucked up underneath me on the chair-bench thing whilst Peeta keeps his feet firmly planted on the floor. Haymitch looks like he's unconscious so we might be able to have a few hours of people.

Note I say 'we might', we can't forget about the incoherent snores that are escaping his mouth every once in a while.

But other than that I am feeling fairly relaxed… well until the little girl sat behind us drops her doll on my head.

Peeta picks it up and stupidly decides to speak, "there you go." Three words. But three words in Peetas voice. Plus he turns around… big mistake.

The little girl doesn't know anything different, she takes her doll off Peeta mumbles a shy "thank you," and continues dressing it. But her mother however, has other ideas.

"Are you Peeta Mellark?" she asks "I heard you were on the train but no one's seen you for a few hours. We all presumed you'd got off."

I quickly sit up. Knowing Peeta he'd tell the truth and I really cannot be bothered to go and hunt for my bow again. "NO!" I say hurriedly "Well… they were on the train but… I've never met them before. No he's not Peeta… we erm… get that a lot…" I trail off thinking of some sort of excuse.

None come to me.

Unfortunately just to put the icing on the cake Haymitch decides this is the right time to wake up…and take his hood off at the same time.

Idiot.

"Keep the noise down sweetheart. Some of us are trying to sleep" he states still half unconscious. He then realises the whole of the dining compartment are watching us. "Did I interrupt something?" he asks clearly confused.

I decide that whatever game we were playing we have lost so I rip off my hood and glasses.

"Well in case you have forgotten Haymitch we are trying to hide. Are you trying to tell me we just wasted these beautiful disguises?" I say gesturing to our outfits and noticing Peeta is removing his hood and glasses too.

I then turn to the woman who is looking slightly lost. "Yes he is Peeta, and yes I am Katniss, and yes this is Haymitch but if you weren't told we had an unfortunate event earlier with some crazy fans and we were TRYING to hide." I finish with a pointed look at Haymitch and he holds his hands up in surrender.

"So you're really it then?" a man across from us speaks up "You're the Mockingjay?"

"Unfortunately, yes" I reply and Peeta gives me a look.

"I'm off to the loo," he says and I give him a concerned glance, he gives his head a small shake, telling me not to go after him.

But I have a feeling that he doesn't need to use the toilet. He needs space to overcome a flashback. All this attention can't be good for him and the last thing he wants to do is try and kill me in front of a train full of people.

That really wouldn't help our image. I make a mental note to check on him after I've sorted out this situation.

"We won't tell anyone we've seen you, promise," the little girl who dropped the doll speaks shyly and I can't help thinking how cute she is. "But who are you?" she adds.

Her mother gives her a horrified look like she couldn't believe her daughter had just said that to me. Me? I couldn't care less.

"She is a pain in the ass," Haymitch says.

"What does ass mean?" the little girl asks

Haymitch is about to point to his bum when I stop him "It is a rude word that Haymitch is saying. Don't say it, it's naughty."

"Alright" she whispers "But no one's answered my question."

Her mother sits her on her lap and starts to speak to her. "She's the Mockingjay, remember when we were very poor when you were little? Well she stopped that. She…"

I look at Haymitch and nod. He understands. I need to get to Peeta.

I walk down the corridor, not caring that my face is on display. I find the toilet and stick a hairgrip I found on the floor in the lock to open it. I slip inside and am met with an awkward situation.

A man about sixty years old is sat on the toilet. A newspaper in his hand.

"Ermmmm…" I turn beet red and the man looks at me horrified. "I'm so sorry" I say "I thought someone else was I here."

I cover my face with my hand, turn away and am about to leave when the man speaks up.

"Katniss right?" I nod my head still turned the other way, wondering why he hasn't screamed at me yet "Peeta was here, yes. But he left a few minutes ago. I'm sure there are plenty of other places for you two to fulfil your wishes" he says laughing at the end.

I then realise what he thinks I was going to do.

Oh my God. I will never be able to show my face again.

"I wasn't going to do that!" I say mortified "I best be going. I run out of the toilet and run straight into Peeta carrying three cups of hot chocolate. He looks at me and then the toilet.

"Wasn't there someone in there?" he asks me raising his eyebrows and smirking, "Maybe an old man?"

"Well… I thought you were in there and from the way you left I thought you were having a flashback and might have needed my help." I say desperately.

"I see. So you jimmied the lock and found an old guy sat there."

"Yeah" I say drawing out the word with uncertainty, "He took it the wrong way." I say, my blush still very prominent.

"I bet he did. Let's hope he keeps it a secret right?" Peeta says laughing.

"Yeah, shall we get back?" I ask him.

"Good idea," he says.

When we get back the girl's mother has finished her story and the girl is beaming at the prospect of having met me.

Haymitch looks at me confused.

"He went to the loo, then to get hot chocolate," I tell him "He wasn't in the toilet," I add quietly.

Haymitch guffaws, nearly spilling his drink. "Bet that was fun" he says smirking.

"Yeah, course it was," I say sarcastically

"Age?" Haymitch asks

"Sixty or so?" I reply, prompting another set of laughs from Haymitch "he got the wrong idea."

"I bet he did!" Haymitch laughs, saying the exact same words as Peeta "Wouldn't you?" he then asks.

"No because unlike you I do not have a dirty mind." We leave the conversation there as the looks we are getting are quite strange. It's a good job us three know each other so well we don't need to communicate in full sentences.

The closeness comes from surviving two Hunger Games and a rebellion together. Trusting each other to make the right decisions. Sometimes decisions between life and death.

I look over at Peeta trying to calm my embarrassment down only to see he is sat next to the little girl, engaged in a deep conversation.

"So what's your name?" Peeta asks her.

"Rose" she replies timidly. I have to force myself to not shudder. I hate roses. I know Peeta does too but he puts on his most brilliant smile.

"That's a nice name" Peeta says causing Rose to beam, "What have you go there?" he asks pointing to her doll.

"This is Rose, my favourite doll, she's named after me and look you can undress her too!" she says enthusiastically.

"Wow, that's amazing. You wanna play with her?" he asks

"Will you play with me?" she asks shyly, retreating back inside her shell.

"Of course" Peeta replies and me, being me can see he really wants to play with her.

I am again met with the fact of children. Watching Peeta now I can tell he longs to be a father. I have no doubt that he will make a wonderful father. He is patient, loving, caring and protective. But what I don't trust is the world we live in. I guess Peeta could compensate for my poor mothering skills and between the two of us we could make me an alright parent. But it's our world. Nothing is set in stone. The games could return. Yes, Snow is dead but that doesn't mean there isn't some sort of force out there. A force wanting to overthrow our new president – Paylor – and the new, fairer government.

I admit it. I'm scared. I don't trust anyone or anything anymore. Apart from Peeta, Haymitch, my mother and the other victors I have formed friendships with, I trust no one. I always question people's motives. Why they are doing the things they are doing? What are they doing it for? Will this harm the people I love?

But for children – if Peeta somehow convinces me to have any and may I add that would be a huge achievement in itself – we would have to be married.

Marriage? Something I'd never thought about before Peeta. But there are a lot of things I hadn't thought about before the games… before Peeta. I was just trying to keep Prim alive. Myself alive. My mother alive. But over time I have learnt that it's not just you, you have to think about. There are other people you have to think of.

Then I remember my visit to the lake a few months ago. One step at a time.

The first step was marriage. And right on this train. Right now. I decide if Peeta ever asks me to marry him I will say yes.

That new realisation brings the brightest smile to my face as I continue to watch Peeta and Rose play.

That night when me and Peeta are laid bed. I begin to think over the day. An eventful one at that. Lots of awkward and embarrassing situations and a huge realisation on my part.

It looks like Peeta is thinking the same thing – well just not the realisation bit, that was just me…maybe?

"Well that was a fun day," he laughs.

"Yeah, talk about it. It seems a lifetime ago when we woke up," I agree.

Peetas arm tightens, holding me closer. "Eventful much?" he asks.

"I just wish I could have avoided the bathroom incident," I answer truthfully.

"You've got to admit that was funny," Peeta starts laughing and I playfully punch his shoulder but even I start laughing.

"Well I suppose…" I admit and Peeta gives me an 'I told you so' look. "But it wasn't fun."

"Rather you than me," he says.

"I guess," I reply, exhaustion taking over me as I snuggle closer to him. Peeta kisses my hair and whispers in my ear.

"Goodnight beautiful,"

I smile "Night Peeta."

And I fall into a dreamless sleep. Overtaken with tiredness from the events of the day.

_**Awkward situations there! They were really random, sorry. The toilet thing just came to me whilst I was writing it. Don't even ask where I got it from!**_

_**I'll try and get a new chapter up at the weekend but I'm having a sleepover with my best mates and I get my Hunger Games cake! Yayaya! :D so no promises.**_

_**But it's the Easter holidays next week and the week after! Two whole weeks of fanifiction and NO SCHOOL! :D**_

_**Until next time peace out!**_

_**NormyMellark99**_

_**Xxx ;)**_


	12. Chapter 12

_**I am really sorry about my lack of updating recently. I'm going to try and update every Sunday from now on, I'm also thinking about doing some one shots. If anyone has any ideas review or send me a PM. Thanks!**_

_**Also Jabberjay12 reviewed about Effie and Haymitch, I have had an idea about doing a Hayffie fanfic for a long time. Just not too sure on a plot line yet. But keep your eyes open :)**_

_**Happy Easter! Hope you all get lots of chocolate! ;)**_

_**Anyways here is Chapter 12!**_

_**Disclaimer – yeah I don't own The Hunger Games, if I did I would be rich and be able to get another Hunger Games poster to fill the space me and my friend, I'm an R5 girl xxx, cleared the other day!**_

**Chapter 12**

The too familiar sight of the Capitol rises around us. Me, Peeta and Haymitch stand by the door, waiting for the train to arrive at the station. My hand is grasping Peetas so tightly I'm slightly worried I might have cut of the blood circulation.

Not the first time I've done that here.

As the train gets nearer to the station more people begin to gather at the doors and I'm glad we decided to get to the doors early. Everyone on the train will be getting off at the Capitol so the staff can ready the train to be turned around and sent back on the reversed journey.

There's a lot of people and also if we make a quick escape then we might be able to ward off any people who recognise us.

Note I say 'might be' we have to remember this is the Capitol. Anything can happen and when I say anything I mean anything.

I am rudely interrupted from my distorted thoughts by a screeching train-like noise followed by the beeping alert that precedes a metallic clank of the train doors opening.

Almost immediately a bright morning light blinds my eyes. I squint and can just make out the outline of a still very Capitol looking platform before Peeta pulls me off the train.

We follow Haymitch' well-practised footsteps across the platform, weaving through the crowds of people that occupate it to a very silver looking booth type thing.

After the war the Capitol issued each and every person with some small booklet type thing called a 'passport' they got the idea from before the dark days. Someone had recorded in a book about them, they were used to allow people to pass freely between the countries that are long since gone. But some genius decided to bring them back, only they allowed people to pass freely between the districts rather than different countries.

They apparently also help the Capitol keep tabs on the people who live here and make sure there is no-one who is still fighting against the new peace program thing.

But it also means that the man at the passport booth will know exactly who we are. Just fantastic!

As we approach the booth I take my passport out of my pocket, as does Peeta and Haymitch, we get to the booth and Peeta drops our bags on the floor and shows him his passport.

"Hi, just thought you might want to see this?" he questions and as I get a good look at the guy who's sitting there I understand why.

He's sat on his chair, his feet up resting on the table with a hat over his face. Not really doing a good job if you ask me, I mean we could be a group of terrorists?

Well I suppose we probably would be classed as a group of terrorists if you remember what happened last time we were here…

He glances up at us, his mouth stretched as he tries to contain his yawn.

"Do you have any pets, livestock, guns, weapons or anything else that could somehow destroy or terrorise this community" he asks, his voice almost robotic.

I think of my bow but I decide not to mention that, instead I think of a witty remark.

"Nope," I say, popping the 'p' "Well, not unless you count him," I say gesturing toward Haymitch.

"No, I don't" the guy replies tiredly and I'm about to think that maybe…just maybe we might have got through the whole station without being noticed.

Spoke too soon.

"Wait a minute," the man asks and he takes a better look at our passports "You're them."

"You know I like to think we deserve a better title than 'them' I mean I know he stinks, I'm slightly abnormal and he…we'll not go into him but still, 'them'?" I ask smiling at Peeta. I really know how to wind him up. But even Peeta gets the joke because he laughs at me.

"Slightly abnormal?" he questions quietly, raising his eyebrows.

I decide on the death glare before turning my attention back to the guy in the booth.

"Well yeah, whatever," he says slightly preoccupied "What I mean is, are you really Katniss, Peeta and Haymitch?"

"Well unless we have had drastic facial changes, fake passports and whatever else then yup, that's us," I say, enjoying the look on Haymitch' face too much to stop this sarcastic exchange.

A look of "that's my girl" and "ha, you're failing here kiddo, you've not got a chance of winning a battle against Katniss" is too good to just ignore.

I'm finding it rather hilarious.

"Really?" he asks still in shock and I become aware of people starting to line up behind us. God help us if they found out who we were. We'd have another riot on our hands.

"No, I just said that for fun, now we really have to go now," I tell him, an edge of desperation creeping into my voice. I turn and look at Peeta and Haymitch to find they've already picked the bags up.

"Come on," I tell them "Effie's waiting."

We start to move through the main part of the station. Trying to pick up the pace, worried about if the man will let our identity's slip, I am just about to think we've got away with it when the man shouts.

Can I just remind you we are in a wide expanse of open space. A space prone to echoes, and a man, with a very loud booming voice shouting basically means the whole train station can hear him. I wouldn't mind as such apart from he decides to shout something…not so good.

"Nice meeting you Katniss, Peeta and Haymitch. Please make sure you don't wait too long to have a little Mellark."

Oh how much I love this person.

Aside from the fact he had brought up the fact of children. Something I'm not even ready to even think about at the minute he has also just let everyone in the train station know who we are.

I'm totally on cloud nine at the moment.

I turn around and notice that everyone in the station is staring at us. Just staring at us… still staring. I begin to wonder if time has frozen and just to test out my new theory I decide to speak.

"Hi?" I ask cautiously, not too sure what the reaction would be?

Good and bad I suppose. I no longer have worried thoughts about a frozen planet but rather worried thoughts about one thousand people (I don't have time to count so that's just a rough estimate) sprinting towards us, whilst screaming at a pitch I never thought humans could reach.

"RUN!" I scream and fortunately Peeta and Haymitch get the message, I guess being a Hunger Games victor prepares you for these situations.

But you really need to be a Hunger Games victor to get out of the station unscathed. Trying to navigate your way around Panems largest train station whilst trying to avoid the throngs of screaming people really requires some skill.

We make our way out of the main part of the station and into some sort of waiting room. The people in this room haven't realised who we are yet and sit on the seats, dazed faces, a mixture of confusion and bewilderment. I'm not surprised, I would be too if a herd of humans were charging past me.

Or in my case at me.

Peeta and Haymitch are slightly behind me, trying desperately to carry the bags and stay away from the crowds of people asking for autographs. I'm ahead of them, trying to find the exit and hide my face from the people we're running past.

Even if the people in the waiting room did notice us I would never know because I spot Effie waiting for us at one of the many exits of the train station. I quickly change my course causing Peeta and Haymitch to nearly collide straight into me.

"Effie!" I scream above the roar. Hoping they will realise what I'm talking about.

Fortunately they do and we pull up next to a very bewildered Effie.

"You alright?" she asks

"Car…quick…people…know us…screaming…I'm going to kill the passport guy" words tumble out of my mouth. I stand there panting. My head darting around to find that the security guards stood around have decided to do their job and calm people down.

Of course they have to tell them that we are here for the festival couldn't miss out on a selling point could they!

"Well…that was interesting?" Effie questions.

"You have no idea princess," Haymitch replies and I don't know if I'm mistaken but I swear I see something in Haymitch' eyes that has nothing to do with sarcasm.

No, it can't be. Haymitch would never think of that. Especially after what he's been through.

I sneak a glance at Peeta to find he has the same confused expression etched upon his face as I have.

I shake my head. Making a mental note to talk to Peeta about it later. I turn and look at Haymitch and Effie.

"Hi, Effie!" I say enthusiastically "I haven't seen you in ages!"

"I know, you look a lot better," she says and I can sense the motherly vibe coming off her. She still sees herself as our carer's. Protecting us from the strange people in the Capitol. Making sure we get to places on time. It's nice to have someone looking out for you in that way.

But lots of people look out for us like that. Haymitch, Effie, even people like Johanna and my own mother. It's comforting knowing you're not alone.

"All set?" Peeta asks "I still don't trust the people in this station."

"I do," Haymitch mumbles seeing it his duty to make sure that there is at least one sarcastic comment in each sentence.

Luckily Effie doesn't hear him. She's already walking out of the door. I follow her out into the daylight, getting blinded for the second time today. I spot a sleek, black limousine, not different from the ones that were used when we were in the Capitol before.

Effie makes her way over to it and two men get out of the front. One of them grabs the bags from Haymitch and Peeta and the other opens the car doors for us.

We're just that special.

When we finally all get settled in the car - the two men in the front, Effie and Haymitch behind them and me and Peeta behind them – I start to pay more attention to my surroundings. The windows are specially designed so we can see out but people can't see in so I can stare as much as I want.

However I start with Effie. Aside from her chirpy voice and strict mannerisms she's changed so much. Her hair – no wig. Her face – the lightest make up. Her dress – still bright and colourful but toned down, a little less vibrant.

She looks more like a human being. She's a little older than I thought she was. But she's been through a war, we all look older. She's more beautiful than I thought she would be too. Her face is fresher, you can actually see her skin.

I wonder if she only dressed up like that for the Capitol. She moved to the rebels' side so soon. Maybe she did actually care.

I look out of the window to see the city has been transformed. There is still a Capitol look about it but the houses look more homely. Bricks instead of metal. Real flowers and parks for children. A mixture of people from different Districts. We pass a building surrounded by workers and Effie informs us it will be a university. A place for people to get further education. The idea sounds nice, you can actually learn what you want to unlike our endless lessons on coal.

I mean how much can someone teach on coal?

I learned the hard way that there's a lot.

I look over at Peeta, realising for the first time how quiet he has been. I notice his hands are balled together in tight fists. He hasn't disappeared yet, his eyes are still the same blue colour that I love so much. The same eyes I can lose myself in. He's fighting it. Fighting it like he always does. Fighting it so he doesn't hurt me.

Fighting it for me.

And I hate it.

I scoot over to him so I'm closer to him. I mumble soothing words in his ear, keeping one arm around his shoulders and one rubbing his arm comfortingly and ignoring the occasional "I'm fines" that sometimes slip out of his mouth.

I have no idea how long we stay like that. For some reason when I'm with Peeta I can forget the world. All that seems to exist is me and him. Nothing else matters.

I'm glad for those moments of peace. Sometimes we need to forget for a while. Stop thinking.

We pull up outside the old training centre. According to Effie they're going to turn it into a hotel. They just haven't got that far yet. They need to rebuild the Districts first.

We get out of the car and go straight into the training centre, using the doors that we never got a chance to use during our times in the games. No, we were locked in here, they would never allow a tribute to go out. Who knows what they would do?

Luckily for us there are security guards lining the pathway. Keeping the people – who now know we are here thanks to the event at the train station – from attacking us.

I refrain from looking over at the president's mansion that sits virtually directly opposite from the training centre. I'm not ready for that battle yet.

Instead I take Peetas hand as we step into the lobby.

It hasn't changed much, if at all. There is still the same vase of flowers on the table in the corner. Still the same potted plants next to the elevators. Still the same sofas, made with materials from the districts.

But the atmosphere is different. There is no longer the 'hey nice to meet you, I'm going to kill you in a few days' kind of atmosphere, rather the creepy sense of déjà vu. I can see Finnick stood in the corner, laughing with Johanna. I can see Beetee talking to Wiress. I can see Haymitch laughing with Chaff, a clear sense of friendship in his eyes.

But most of all I see me and Peeta. Before our lives changed. Stood before our first games. No idea about the journey ahead of us.

I look up at Peeta to see he has the same expression of grieving and loss that I have a feeling is plastered all over my face too.

I sigh, this is going to be another long day.

_**Poor Peeta. He's not really getting any breaks at the minute :(**_

_**Thank you for reading, please review, it motivates me to write more :D**_

_**I will try and update next Sunday but no promises**_

_**Thank you all for reviewing and following!**_

_**NormyMellark99 ;)**_


	13. Chapter 13

_**Sorry for the late update I have no excuses whatsoever so yeah, we'll just leave it at that.**_

_**Anyway CATCHING FIRE TRAILER ON SUNDAY! I AM SOOO EXITED! I have convinced my parents to let me get up at 2am (the time it comes out in the UK) to watch it! No idea how I did it but hey!**_

_**In response to Mitchie even if I do go with the Haymitch and Effie thing Haymitch will definitely not lose his sarcasm and Haymitch will not die, don't worry! I don't like fanfics where he dies either! Thanks for the review :)**_

_**Also get well soon to one of my best friends CammieLunaCullen we'll all miss you tomorrow! :( (and you're ditching me in DT ;))**_

_**Disclaimer – I do not own The Hunger Games**_

**Chapter 13**

"Annie and Finn are here."

"Alright, we'll be down soon. Katniss is still sleeping."

Sleeping? Wait, I was never sleeping. After we put our stuff away we had gone into the room where we used to watch the interviews and training scores to relax for a while. I remember leaning against Peetas shoulder, feeling his arm wrap around me protectively and closing my eyes for a while but then…

Okay, so maybe I did fall asleep. But not for that long…right?

I open my eyes, still feeling slightly groggy to find my head in Peetas lap, that the sun is at its highest point in the sky. I'd slept for nearly three hours.

"Why didn't you wake me?" I ask, still sounding half asleep.

"For what? Nothing's going on here. Besides, I like watching you sleep. You don't scowl. Improves your looks a lot." He says with a grin.

I am thrown back in time to the arena. I'm pretty sure he said exactly the same thing to me there. The first night in the cave. When I'd said I'd slept too long and he replied with the same thing.

"Wait a minute. You said that…?" I ask, slightly confused.

"Yeah," Peeta says studying the look on my face. "You know I do remember most things now. Thanks to you I feel a lot better."

"Good to know," I reply smiling about what he'd said about me. "So you remember everything now?" I ask, still wondering if he remembers the bread and the first day of school. It might be selfish of me but I loved the way he knew everything about me. Sometimes he remembered things I'd totally forgotten about.

Like the time he sat behind me in maths and dropped his pencil by my chair. He said it was by accident but I still remain unsure about that fact. Especially as I ended up picking it up.

"I think so," Peeta smiles and leans down to kiss me.

I instantly relax. The feeling of Peetas lips brushing against mine relaxes my whole body. I wrap my arms around his neck and tangle my fingers into his soft, blonde locks pulling him closer to me. Peeta deepens the kiss slightly and I smile against his lips.

"Please. For the love of God if you're going to do that can you make sure it's in your room? You have literally just scarred me for life. What would Effie say?"

Haymitchs voice brings me back to reality. Me and Peeta jump apart like two kids getting caught like their parents.

Which is exactly what's happened if you think about it.

I blush profoundly and sneak a glance at Peeta to find his face is a shade of red too. "We were just ermm…" Peeta struggles to find the right words and I realise I have no chance at talking whatsoever. If Peeta doesn't know what to say nobody does.

But Haymitch only laughs "Don't apologise to me, although I would like it if I didn't see that again it can only get worse…"

"HAYMITCH!" I scream, realising what he was implying. God help me!

Haymitch guffaws again, "Just make sure Effie doesn't see. I wouldn't like to be in your shoes if she sees you," Haymitch warns us and although there is a hint of sarcasm in his words I decide to take in what he's saying.

Who knows the things Effie would say. It was bad enough on the train on the victory tour when me and Peeta were only sleeping in the same bed for the nightmares. What would she say now?

"Yeah well, we were just about to go and see Annie and Finn. Weren't we Katniss?" Peeta saves the situation again. Looking at me very pointedly whilst he says the last part.

"Yes," I say with a little more force than I intended. "I was just picking my …jacket up," I stumble over my words clueless, "like this?" I question sounding like a total idiot, picking my jacket up from the bottom of the couch and thanking my lucky stars it was there.

"Course you were sweetheart," Haymitch says, his voice dripping with the sarcasm that makes up 99% of his language "Go on then scoot!" he tells us waving his arms. "Leave me to drink in peace without any interruptions," he says raising his eyebrows at me.

"Okay, okay," I say holding my arms up in surrender. I look at Peeta to find he is already stood up. I walk across to him and he puts his arm around my waist.

"Bye Haymitch," he says his voice mocking, "have fun!" he adds in a sing song voice.

Haymitch just scowls before turning his attention back to his drink.

The walk over to the elevator is silent. It would have been awkward the last time we were here but now everything has changed it isn't. You don't always need words.

We reach the elevator and step in. Even now I still can't look down. The glass floor means you can see twelve stories down and a drop from that height can be quite scary.

Peeta presses the button with '4' on it and the elevator starts to move.

"Well that was awkward," I say laughing.

"No kidding," Peeta replies, a smile on his face "I thought he was going to tell Effie. Then we'd be in big trouble!" he says emphasising the 'big'.

I laugh "Haymitch might be mean but he isn't that mean," I say.

"Or is he?" Peeta raises his eyebrows at me and I raise mine back at him. We both laugh but are stopped by the 'ding' of the elevator meaning we have reached the fourth floor.

The doors open and we are faced with the same layout as our floor but with sea coloured walls, framed shells and a sandy coloured carpet. Part of me feels angry at the designers of the training centre for this. Tributes from the other districts got reminders of home in their apartments whereas we got normal furnishings.

Then again a 'coal' themed room would look pretty bleak.

But the place does look beautiful. You can almost hear the waves and smell the sea, everything is so realistic. I take Peetas hand and for some reason I feel myself relax when I didn't even think I was tensed up to start with. I guess I'm just nervous about meeting Annie again and especially little Finn. I don't know how much he looks like his father and I don't want to get upset when it is evident that Annie misses him far much more than I do and she can hold herself together.

But she didn't watch him die with the feeling inside you that you could have saved him.

I shake my head ridding myself from those thoughts and just in time too because I can hear Annie's voice behind me.

"Katniss, Peeta, is that you?" she asks and me and Peeta turn to look at her.

"Hi Annie," Peeta says, taking the lead as always, "I haven't seen you in ages!" he exclaims wrapping her in a tight embrace without squashing the boy in Annie's arms. He then looks down to pay attention to Finn.

He looks so much like his father it's unreal. Those sea-green eyes. Bronze coloured hair. Even down to the golden coloured skin. The only difference is his personality. Whilst Finnick was cocky, confident and flirtatious, Finn is more like his mother. Quiet and shy. Even though he's only a few months old he looks like the child that would be scared you'd bite his head off or something.

"And this is Finn?" Peeta questions looking down at the baby.

"Yeah," Annie replies "I named him Finn to remember him. He looks so much like Finnick don't you think?" she asks us, her voice filled with pride.

"The spitting image," I tell her "He is so sweet. Finnick would love him."

"Finnick loves him," Annie corrects me, brushing back Finns short, tufty hair from his face, "He's still watching over us."

"They all are," Peeta says.

Annie seems lost in some sort of trance. I look at Peeta concerned but he only shakes his head. I look back at her and Finn, frowning slightly. Finnick would always help Annie when she zoned out like this.

Now he's gone. Annie doesn't have anyone.

Finn makes an adorable little baby like gurgle and Annie comes back. No, she has Finn now. A little piece of Finnick that will live, alive with her forever.

I smile as we make our way over to the living room.

We spend the afternoon with Annie and Finn. We don't talk about the games. The war. What we've lost. We talk about other stuff. The good memories. What we have now. Then about Finn.

I am met with the fact of children again. When Peeta holds Finn he looks just like a father. I can imagine him with children of his own someday. Whilst I have no worry about Peeta being a father – he would be perfect, he's patient, loving, caring and most of all protective – there's our past and me.

When I hold Finn it just feels strange. Like I don't belong there. Peeta looks at me like I looked at him when he held Finn. Like I'd make a perfect mum.

Yeah right.

Annie seems to be coping really well. Apparently she's sees my mother often. She tells me she often speaks of me like she's proud of me. I want to mend my relationship with her properly. I want to believe what she said on the phone the other say.

But I'm still worried she'll turn me down again. I'm not sure if I could take another person coming back into my life only to turn away again.

We leave Annie and Finn about four. Finn was getting tired and grumpy and probably just wanted to sleep. But we promise Annie we'll try and see her tomorrow after Effie has debriefed us about what we're going to be doing.

Oh the joys of 'Effie's schedule'

When we reach our floor we find Haymitch passed out on the couch. I raise my eyebrows at Peeta before I sit down on the couch we were sat on earlier; Peeta follows me and sits down beside me, his arm slung around my shoulders.

"You looked like a mum with Finn back there," he tells me, his voice barely above a whisper in my hair.

I lift my head to look at him. "Not as much as you did," I say quietly.

"Me looked like a mum?" he laughs.

"No silly," I punch his arm playfully, "a daddy."

"I love the way you say daddy," he mumbles.

I know he wants kids. I know he's going to do everything in his power to convince me. But I also know he will never do anything I don't want him to do. If I don't want kids. Peeta will convince himself the same.

"Maybe one day," I say, not wanting to crush his dream so soon.

"Really?" he asks me "I thought you didn't want kids?" and the way he says it makes me feel so, so guilty.

"I said maybe," I tell him and Peeta nods in understanding. "Now where were we before someone rudely interrupted us?" I ask Peeta whilst glancing at Haymitch.

"I have a pretty good idea," he replies with a smile, bending down to kiss me.

_**If any of you are wondering how old Finn is I worked out if Peeta was rescued in early September Finnick and Annie's wedding was mid-October so then if Annie got pregnant then nine months would take us to around May, June time and we're June, July time so yeah a month old maybe around there.**_

_**Thank you all for your reviews! They really put a smile on my face!**_

_**I'll try and get the next chapter up on Sunday…if I can contain my excitement that is :D**_

_**Thanks for reading**_

_**NormyMellark99 xxx:)**_


	14. Chapter 14

_**I am so so so so so sorry that I didn't update last week. I found it really hard to write this chapter which is why it is a bit shorter than usual.**_

_**Plus I got my braces on last Thursday so I was taking twice as long to eat everything and twice as long to brush my teeth so that was fun(!)**_

_**AND I wanted to get an early night as I woke up at 2am to watch the CATCHING FIRE TRAILER which didn't end up getting released until 4am then my dad got up at 5am so I didn't get any sleep after 2am.**_

_**But it was worth it! THE TRAILER IS AMAZING! I LOVED EVERY SECOND OF IT! (Well apart from the Katniss and Gale kiss as I am a HUGE Katniss and Peeta fan) BUT ANYWAY IT WAS STILL AMAZING AND I HAVE LOST COUNT OF THE AMOUNT OF TIMES I HAVE WATCHED IT! *MASSIVE FANGIRL SQUEAL!***_

_**Also one of my friends **__**Jellybearmonster**__** has just got a fanfiction account, she's posted a hilarious Katniss and Gale fanfic (I know I said I didn't like that couple but you have to read the fanfic!) it's called 'his guilty pleasure' and his sooo funny!**_

_**Anyway with that out of the way here is chapter 14!**_

**Chapter 14**

Later on that evening me, Peeta, Effie and Haymitch are all sat in the living room around the television. Me and Peeta on the big couch snuggled up in one corner, and Effie and Haymitch on the smaller couch.

I have to say they do look quite cosy!

The TV is on but there is nothing that really interests me on it. Just a news reporter droning on about reconstruction in the Districts really. I am much more interested in curling up bedside Peeta and going to sleep.

Not that I get much chance to do that because the reporter starts talking about the upcoming 'freedom festival'.

I know, could they have come up with something cheesier?

"Now today Katniss Everdeen, Peeta Mellark, Haymitch Abernathy, Annie and Finn Odair, Johanna Mason, Beetee and Enobaria have arrived in the Capitol for the next weeks festivities," the reporter starts to say while pictures of us start to come up on the screen behind her. "They are all currently staying in the old training centre ready to participate in the upcoming events."

Pictures of me, Peeta and Haymitch trying to run away from the paparazzi and fans at the train station come up on the screen and I hide my face in the crook of Peetas neck. I can just make out the reporter laughing about our 'unfortunate arrival'.

Well she wasn't there to see that the 'unfortunate arrival' was a little bit worse than just 'unfortunate'.

"Also if any of you were wondering about how our victors are coping after the war we have exclusive interviews tomorrow night with them all."

Wait, WHAT! Interviews on our second day? We're here for seven days! How many are they going to be able to cram in to that?

I pull my head out of Peetas shoulder and look at Haymitch, my eyes narrowed.

"Sorry sweetheart," he says "I tried to get off with as little as I could but we're dealing with Plutarch here."

I sigh, "I'm going to kill that guy," I mumble into Peetas shoulder. I didn't think anyone could hear me but apparently Effie could.

"Katniss please try to be happy. I have your schedule here, as Haymitch said we tried but we can't do everything," she says.

"Can we see the schedule?" Peeta asks somewhat hesitantly. I'm not surprised he's hesitant. I really don't want to know what's on that schedule if Plutarch has had anything to do with it.

"Of course you can, I've only got one though, sorry," Effie replies.

"Don't worry," I say reaching out to take the pink piece of paper. Me and Peeta both pour over it wondering what horrors we will have to face.

The paper reads this:

**Katniss and Peetas schedule – **

**Day 1 –  
9.53 – train arrives at the station  
10.01 – meet me at entrance 2B  
10.06 – get in the car  
10.34 – get to the hotel  
FREE FOR THE REST OF THE DAY**

**Day 2 -  
8.00 – breakfast  
9.00 – report to prep teams  
13.00 – lunch with other victors  
15.30 – FREE  
17.00 – report to prep teams  
19.30 – interview with Ceaser Flickerman**

**Day 3 -  
7.00 – leave for radio studio  
7.13 – arrive at radio studio  
7.30 – radio interview  
9.00 – photo shoot  
12.00 – FREE**

**Day 4 (reaping day) –  
6.00 – breakfast  
6.30 – report to prep teams  
8.00 – morning interview on 'Good Morning Panem'  
9.00 – FREE  
17.00 – report to prep teams  
19.00 – banquet and ball in mansion**

**Day 5 –  
8.00 – breakfast  
9.00 – meet and greet with fans in city hall  
16.00 - FREE**

**Day 6 -  
10.00 – meeting with Paylor and other victors  
15.00 – doctor's appointment to discuss mental state**

**Day 7 –  
FREE  
19.30 – arrive at train station goodbyes etc.  
20.00 – train departs**

I finish reading the sheet slightly before Peeta, in the few seconds longer he takes to read it I look over at him, trying to decipher his emotions by his facial expressions.

Well he's frowning, possibly he's just read the bit about the doctor's appointment. But he's obviously handling it better than I did. I gave Effie a glare and was tempted to rip her throat out.

But I don't murder people anymore…except maybe Plutarch Heavensbee.

How dare he or Effie say we have 'mental problems'? I know we do but we are coping very well if I say so myself. I know we have our bad days but even so you don't have to remind us.

Other than that he looks alright. I can't see his eyes properly so I have no idea what emotions are hidden in there. From what I can see though he looks relatively calm.

I suppose it's not like I didn't expect any of it. We still have free time and if we are in the Capitol we mays well give people what they want.

Peeta finishes reading the sheet and tucks it into his pocket. "Thanks Effie," he says "I think we'll be off the bed now. It's been a long day," he adds. Even though he's hiding it I know him too well. The stress of the day combined with the flashbacks, meeting Annie, reminded of painful memories.

He's exhausted. So am I to be honest.

"That's fine, you get some rest," Haymitch says "It's been a long day."

I nod my head slightly before looking back at Effie.

"What time do you want us tomorrow?" I ask her.

"Depends on how long you want to get ready. Shall we say I'll wake you up at seven thirty? Then you have about an hour and a half to get ready?" she asks us and Peeta and I nod.

"That would be lovely Effie," Peeta says "Thank you,"

"No problem, now leave us alone," Haymitch says sounding exasperated. "I am not reading you a bedtime story!"

"Wouldn't want you to," I reply "night!"

"Goodnight Katniss and Peeta," Effie says as we walk out of the room.

As soon as we are out of sight Peeta puts his arm around my waist and leads me to the end of the corridor where we are faced with a slight problem.

"Who's room?" he asks me and I laugh.

"Is this our life now?" I say "we have a choice of different rooms? One for every night all with different décor, different gadgets, different views?"

"Calm down Katniss ,we have two rooms, same décor, same gadgets and nearly the same views," he reminds me.

"They are different views, one's at the back, one's at the front and don't burst my bubble," I tell him sternly playfully hitting his arm whilst Peeta makes an over-exaggerated "OUCH!"

"Can we sleep in yours?" I ask him, "it's at the back, mine overlooks the square," I add wrapping my arms around his waist and burying my head in his chest.

Peetas arms automatically wrap around my waist, one hand going to my hair, running his fingers down my braid as he holds me closer to him. "Of course we can, but you have to face it sometime. You can't avoid it forever, I don't want to push you or anything, but you do have to be able look at the mansion. We're doing interviews and having lunch there tomorrow." He explains to me.

"I know, I know," I tell him. "It's just hard you know?"

"I know, I felt the same with the bakery," he tells me and I immediately feel guilty. I always forget the fact that he lost his entire family. I only really lost Prim. He lost his brothers, his dad and I know he even misses his mum. I mean she was a bitch but she's still his mum.

"I'm sorry," I whisper into his shirt.

"Don't be," he whispers into my ear. We stay like that for what seems like hours but could have easily been minutes. Remembering the blinding lights that abolished everything we loved.

Well, nearly everything. I still have my mum my friends – most of them – and Peeta. The heart that I can hear beating next to my ear. The heart that reminds me I am not alone

And I know that as long as he is here I never will be.

My dreams that night are horrific. I wake up about ten times. Each time overcome with memories threatening to crush my soul. Each time Peeta holds me until I calm down enough to tell him what's happened. To calm me down enough to go back to sleep. Sleep that never really comes.

Me and Peeta end up wrapped around each other. Until it comes to a point when I don't know what limbs are mine and which are Peetas. We lay there silent. Only calmed by the fact we are next to each other.

Both dreading the moment when Effie will wake us up.

The moment when I will have to face the reality of who I have become.

_**Sorry for the late update again. I will try my very hardest to get the next chapter up on time.**_

_**There will hopefully be some more action and fun parts in it as their trip in the Capitol begins!**_

_**Thank you all for reading. We have passed 50 reviews which is amazing! Maybe we can get a few more? The little blue button is just begging to be pressed ;)**_

_**See ya later!**_

_**NormyMellark99 ;)**_


	15. Chapter 15

_**Sorry I didn't update last week. I'm going to change the update times to every other Sunday as that seems to be how I'm going at the minute. If you get an extra one then count yourself lucky ;)**_

_**I defiantly won't be able to update next weekend as I'm going away to see some friends but I should be able to update the week after.**_

_**Also I have my English Functional Skills exam this week so I am really looking forward to that(!) **_

_**I was nearly crying when I wrote this chapter so you might want to get a few tissues ready! ;(**_

_**And get ready for the longest chapter so far 3,670 words including A/N**_

_**Disclaimer – I do not own The Hunger Games, a lot more characters would be alive if I did ;)**_

**Chapter 15**

I can feel myself waking up but refuse to accept the fact and decide to try to go back to sleep. After about half an hour of just refusing to open my eyes and getting absolutely no where regarding sleep I decide just to open them.

It's amazing how much more the world means when you open your eyes. We take our sight for granted. Before I could only hear Peetas steady heartbeat next to my ear. Only feel his breath against my neck as he made adorable little snoring type sounds.

But now I can see the morning light casting its first rays through the curtains and across the room. I lift my head up of Peetas chest and try to untangle myself from Peetas protective grasp. After a few attempts – which ended in his grasp around me getting even tighter – I give up and prop myself up on my elbow.

Over the past few months I have come to the conclusion that everyone looks younger when they're asleep. On the rare morning that I have woken up before Peeta and watched him as he sleeps…sometimes with nightmares…sometimes without…he looks like the boy who threw me the bread six years ago.

His blond hair covers half his face and I find myself reaching out and brushing it out of his eyes. His eyes that when they are open are home to the brightest blue orbs. But now, in sleep, you can only make out the longest blond eyelashes that first caught my attention before the quell.

I still have no idea how they don't tangle up.

His face also catches my eye. When he's awake you often find his face in a look of concentration. Concentrating on a painting. Concentrating on baking. Concentrating on a book. But when he's sleeping his face is more relaxed.

That's if he isn't having a nightmare.

I am torn out of my thoughts by Effie's majestic, joyful voice alerting me to the start of a new day.

"Up, up, up, it's going to be a big, big, big day," she chirps from behind the door. I groan and flop back onto Peetas chest. Wishing I could stay here in this nice big warm cosy bed forever.

But I know Effie will be back soon. I look at the bedside table to have a sneak peak at the schedule to find we have to be prepped this morning, followed by a lunch with the other victors then a bloody interview.

Lunch is the only thing I'm looking forward to and Peetas not even making it.

"You know if you could kill someone every time you frown like that I don't think there would be anyone left on the planet," I turn to face Peeta startled by his voice only to find his eyes are still closed?

"How do you know I'm frowning? You can't even see me," I ask him. Does he really know me that well?

"There is a very magical thing called 'the ability to open and close your eyes," Peeta states, his eyes now half open, trying to act all superior but failing badly as he still sounds like he's half asleep.

"Effie came, you need to get up," I tell him, trying to change the subject. Just because he failed at acting superior, doesn't mean to say he didn't just make me look like a complete idiot for not thinking about him actually closing his eyes after he had opened them.

"I know, I know, how do you think I woke up?" he asks me raising his eyebrows.

"How am I supposed to know? Get in the shower already before Effie comes back," I tell him shoving him out of the bed.

"I'm going," he mumbles, "Wouldn't want to make Effie's schedule run late, we're already two point three eight seconds late," he adds, the sarcasm in his voice extremely evident.

A few minutes later I hear the water go on in the shower and decide it's time I got out of bed. I drag myself up and fling the curtains open. I have to say the view from Peetas room is not the best. A car park…nearly empty with a building at the far side of it.

But anything's better than that mansion.

I must have been standing at the window for longer than I thought because I'm brought out of my thoughts by a discreet cough behind me. I turn to find Peeta staring at me. He's obviously just got out of the shower as he has a towel round his waist and his hair is dripping wet.

"You alright? You looked a bit lost there," he asks me and I have no idea why but I suddenly feel the urge to cry. I run up to him and wrap my arms tightly around his waist burying my head in his chest.

"Katniss, what wrong?" Peetas voice is filled with concern and I lift my head to meet his eyes.

"I don't know," I mumble "I don't like crying," I bury my head back in his chest.

"I don't like you crying either, is anything bothering you?" he tilts my head up again with his fingers forcing me to look at him.

"We need to go to the mansion," I tell him "I need to see it for myself as soon as I can. I can't put it off anymore its killing me."

"As soon as we've been 'prepped' we'll go. We're having lunch there anyway. I can ask Effie if she can arrange for our prep teams to come earlier if you want?"

"Yes please, I need to get in the shower now," I tell him, drying my eyes with the back of my hand and untangling myself from Peetas embrace. I hate crying. Especially when I'm with other people, even Peeta. I start to walk towards the bathroom but Peeta catches my wrist and forces me to turn round.

"Don't worry Katniss, if you need to cry then cry. I'm not going to leave you," he tells me, nearly making me cry again.

"I know, same for you," I smile and make my way over to the bathroom, knowing that what Haymitch said was not right.

I could live more than a thousand lifetimes and never deserve him.

* * *

I'd forgotten how bad this prepping stuff was. At least me and Peeta got to be prepped at the same time as there is only one prep team left from the games which was mine.

After this morning's little…well whatever you wanted to call it Peeta managed to convince Effie to get us prepped earlier. It wasn't that hard actually; I could have probably done it. It turns out that my prep team needs to prep all of the victors so the earlier they start the better.

But on the bright side at least I can now prove to Peeta that my prep schedule thing is ten times worse than his. He's done in what seems like ten minutes and its only Flavius whose prepping him. However I have Octavia and Venia and then Flavius prepping me and it still takes about ten times longer as Peeta.

In addition to that I actually have to be prepped which ultimately means I have to have my hair ripped out of every inch of my body. Be submerged in countless baths filled with countless ointments which make my skin burn, sting, itch and feel soft all at the same time.

By the time they've finally finished I feel like a chicken that's been plucked, stuffed and prepared to go into the oven. What's more is Peetas looking at me like he's amazed that I didn't rip their heads off.

Sure enough as soon as we get out of the room and bid my prep team goodbye Peeta voices his thought.

"How do you cope with them? Is it like that every time? You take ages! I was half expecting you to rip their heads off!" he says, keeping his voice down in case they were listening.

Yup, I really know him too well.

"You get used to it after a while, yes it's like that every time and I know I take ages. Now will you agree that my prep is worse than yours?" I whisper back, answering all of his questions in one breath.

"Yeah, just a bit," he replies taking my hand and leading us back towards our room.

Once we get back an uneasy atmosphere settles around us. At half past twelve we have to be in the president's mansion where Paylor has kindly let us have one of the rooms for lunch. The only problem is, is that its ten o'clock already. We have two and a half hours to get ready and face the mansion.

"Do you want to get ready for lunch and then…make our way over to…the mansion?" I ask Peeta, my voice bordering on a stutter.

Peeta walks over and gives me a hug, "Whatever you want to do. What are you wearing? Effie hasn't said anything about it?"

"I'm sure we'll be able to find something suitable in here somewhere. We're in the Capitol after all," I say whilst I detangle myself from his arms and walk over to the wardrobe.

* * *

Ten minutes later me and Peeta are dressed. Peeta in a pair of jeans and a shirt with the sleeves rolled up and me in a pair of jeans with a skinny jumper. I also put the necklace that Peeta gave me for my birthday on – I notice Peetas lips quirk up in a smile when I pick it up from the bedside table. He offers to put it on for me and I let him. Taking time to relax back into Peetas chest. Trying to pick up the courage I need to go outside.

I don't know how long we stand in that room for. My back flush against Peetas chest. Listening to each other breathing. I watch the sun outside the window and eventually, with no words spoken, we move and walk over to the door. Peetas arm automatically goes to my waist and I lean into his shoulder.

We make our way over to the elevator and pass Haymitch on the way. He gives us an encouraging nod. It's Haymitch, he knows exactly where we're going.

He also knows that we don't really want to talk at the moment. Well especially not me. I just want to turn around, run back to our room, curl up next to Peeta and go to sleep.

I don't really get why I'm so afraid. I guess it's because I've finally, kind of made peace with Prims death and I don't want to reopen those scars that I've worked so hard to heal.

But I guess you can't heal if you haven't faced whatever haunts you. It's that thought that helps me to walk out of the elevator and into the lobby. I need to see it for myself. I can't hide from it forever.

Plus I've got Peeta by my side to help me through it. I will help him if he has an episode and he will help me if I break down. It's the main thing that is encouraging me to do this.

The lobby is quite quiet; I look over at the person at the reception desk to see she is concentrating on some sort of machine in front of her. No idea what it is and I'm not even going to ask as this is the Capitol and it could be anything.

I mean in a place where people dye their skin green it could literally be anything.

We reach the door and Peeta looks at me as if he's trying to debate whether or not to open the door – tinted glass ensuring that at this current moment we cannot see out.

Two things are stopping him, one we are sure to be bombarded with people the minute we step out and two…well you already know that.

Getting bored with my inner turmoil and not wanting to waste any more time wondering if I'm doing the right thing I reach out with the hand that is not cutting off the circulation in Peetas hand and open the door.

Immediately I am hit with the blinding light of the mid-morning sun. The sound of a normal city fills my ears and I squint to focus the image of the outside world.

The Capitol looks exactly as it did the other morning. Nothing has changed at all. Thankfully the Capitol people seem so absorbed in their own daily lives that they don't notice me and Peeta walk out of the door.

I'm grateful for that. The last thing I need is people putting me off. I look up at Peeta to find his face is trained on the one building I haven't laid my eyes on yet…the president's mansion.

But judging by the way he's now cutting off the circulation in my hand, he's having just as hard a time as me.

I go to hug him, to pull him out of whatever twisted memory that has inhabited his brain but Peeta stops me. I look up at his eyes to find they aren't black. They aren't even cloudy. What's bothering him then?

"Katniss, look," he whispers lifting my chin with two fingers and guiding it to the direction of the mansion.

What I see is enough to make anyone cry. But especially those people who lost someone on that dreadful day. On the dreadful days of entire the war. Not just the day of the surrender.

The area at the front of the mansion, the circular expanse of area that was the place that where Prim took her final breaths is a garden.

A memorial garden, covering the whole area. I push through the crowd, the same way I did on that day. Only this time there is no one for me to save. I need to see what **has** been saved. If anything has been saved?

I stop in front of the gates, waiting for the blast that does not come. Waiting for the balls of fire to fly across the gates, turning me into a burning mess of crazed thoughts. Frantically looking for my sister. But it does not come.

I feel Peetas presence beside me before I see him. How I know it is him I do not know. It could be anyone, but somehow I know it is not. As I have become somewhat un-functional Peeta opens the gates and guides me through them. His hand on my back, resting round my waist when I am safely inside.

There aren't a lot of people here. The people who are here are quiet, their facial expressions looking very mournful, their body language radiating solitude. A few acknowledge me with a nod but I'm thankful that they don't make any more moves toward me.

We're all on the same page here. We all need to be left in our own little bubbles.

Now that I don't have to worry about anyone jumping out at me I look around, taking in my surroundings. Hedges are lined up around the circumference of the garden, touching the walls that are covered in ivy with flowers woven into it. Patches of flowers – every colour imaginable are placed in front of the hedges on grass verges. Then there's a light brick path that follows the line of the hedges, branching off at about five different points all leading to a massive memorial statue in the middle of the garden. The sections in between the paths holds more grass but this grass is adorned with flowers, all different heights, bushes covered in tiny buds, flowers with large heads, small patches flowers about the size of my fist lining the edge.

Then in the centre of it all the statue. Peeta leads me to it and I'm astounded at the size of it. It's nearly taller than the walls surrounding the garden. When I get a closer look I realise why. Every single person that died or went missing during the war has their name engraved on it. I bring my hand up to my necklace, feeling the cool stone resting against my skin. I can't help compare it to my necklace which is more like a portable statue. Everyone on this necklace will be on the memorial, okay well not my father as he died before the war, but everyone else will be. I walk up to the memorial and rest my hand on the smooth, marble surface unaware that Peeta is no longer beside me.

I have no idea how long I stand there for, it could be weeks for all a care, I am overcome with memories, Prim laughing. Prim smiling. Prim and myself giggling over something that never makes an appearance. Prim waking up from a nightmare and me comforting her just as Peeta does to me now. Prim asking me to sing, just as Rue did. Prim dying, the last words she ever said still on her lips…

"Katniss," Peetas words bring me out of my memories. I blink a few times to bring the world back into focus, when I do I see Peetas looking at me, he's trying to look calm but I can see in his eyes he's worried about me.

This is the part of the conversation where he would probably say "You okay?" but considering the situation we are in at the moment there is no point in even asking that question because he already knows the answer.

"No," basically.

"I found where she is," he tells me and I let him guide me over to the part of the memorial where Prims name is. We reach the other side of the memorial and Peeta bends down, I copy him kneeling down on the path, dust covering my knees, Peeta points at the name and whilst I try and work through my thoughts I am aware of Peeta pulling my into his lap as my fingers trace the outline of her name.

_**Primrose Everdeen**_

Why? Why her? She wasn't even fourteen yet. She hadn't even started to live her life properly. She never got to experience the freedom of this world now. She never got to fall in love. Get married. Have kids. Watch them grow up. One person is to blame.

Me. I didn't protect her. I didn't protect her like I should have done. It was me.

But then there's the other part of me that tells myself I didn't. Peetas told me it wasn't me. Haymitch told me it wasn't me. Even my mother has told me it wasn't me, not in words but in a different way, for accepting me back into my life.

It was Snow. It was all Snow. All of this is his fault. But he's dead. He died. Thankfully his death was still painful. Trampled by the crowd or chocking on his own blood. Either way, not every nice.

I have no idea how long we sit there. On the floor, oblivious to the world around us. Lost in thoughts. No words spoken. Not even when the tears fall freely from my face. Peeta knows I don't want comfort. The only comfort I need is the fact that he is here with me and I know he won't leave me.

Eventually we get up and make our way over to the mansion. Ready to put on the jolly faces that the other victors will be wearing. Ready to take part in the laughing and joking around.

But none of us will feel like that. We all have scars. Scars that will never heal. We can't make them go away. We just have to accept them.

We have to accept that we've changed and we will never be the same.

It's just impossible.

_**Poor Katniss, she never gets a break that girl does she?!**_

_**Anyway she has finally seen the mansion for herself and now feels more calm about the whole situation.**_

_**I was going to do the lunch and the interviews in this chapter as well but it was getting really long so I decided to do that next chapter. Lunch will definitely be in the next chapter but the interviews might be in the one after that.**_

_**Anyway, thank you all for reading. Maybe a little review? You don't have to write much even just a smiley face? **_

_**NormyMellark99 xxx :)**_


	16. Chapter 16

_**Hellooo!**_

_**Sorry about last week. I've not had a lot of time to write lately and I wanted to make sure I had a good chapter to post not a rubbish one.**_

_**Anyway I had a few reviews about who else's names were on the memorial. They all are and there's more about Peetas family in this chapter.**_

_**Sorry again for not updating last week but here is chapter 16.**_

_**Disclaimer – I do not own The Hunger Games **_

**Chapter 16**

We walk up to the entrance of the mansion. Not really walking fast as such, just ambling along, taking our time. Trying to push the whole memorial scenario out of our heads.

Not that it is ever going to happen.

Peeta still hasn't let go of my hand. He's had it in a death grip ever since we left the memorial garden. I would tell him that his hold is nearly cutting off my blood circulation but I don't really want to for some reason.

It takes me a few minutes to realise why he's holding onto my hand so tightly, and when I do it's too late to say anything as we're already walking through the mansion doors.

Peetas family. I'm being as selfish as I normally am. Totally forgetting about him. Letting him take the weight of the world on his shoulders. Not helping him. Leaving him to fend on his own. Peeta lost his own family. His whole family. His father, his brothers, his mother. All at the same time. I should have been helping him as well. Not wallowing around in my own self-pity.

This thought causes my grip on his hand to tighten. The only way I console myself – however little – is by telling myself that we will go back there. For Peeta. Not for myself. We will remember his family.

I don't really know when we'll go but we'll find time. We always do.

But I am forced to push those thoughts out of my head as a familiar sarcastic voice comes from behind me.

"Brainless. Brainless. Are you even listening to me?"

I turn around, facing the world's second most sarcastic person "Hi Johanna, how are you?" I smile, knowing the exact answer to the question before it even leaves my lips.

How are you? Best question to say to a Hunger Games victor who was tortured.

"I'm great," she says, the sarcasm in her voice extremely evident. I find myself thinking that Johanna and Haymitch would make a great comedy sarcasm type act. Speaking of Haymitch, where is he?

"But you still haven't answered my question," Johanna informs me and I frown wondering what she means. "Were you listening to me?"

"Yeah, absolutely," I tell her, trying out the new sarcasm type theme for myself.

"No you weren't," Johanna try's to act hurt by putting her hand against her heart but it really doesn't work.

"I was," I tell her earnestly, nodding my head. "You said brainless," I say whilst Peeta laughs at our childish antics.

"Really you'd think you were both trying out for Haymitchs spot as sarcasm King," he laughs

"You're saying I'm a boy?" Johanna asks him, her face looking like she's about to bash his skull in and knowing Johanna she would.

"No…" Peeta says looking lost for words and slightly worried. "Great nickname for Katniss though," he says changing the subject but hopefully regretting it when I whack his arm.

"HEY! I scream causing the guard person at the door to turn around and tell us to get inside the mansion before people realise who we are.

Probably the best idea. I still haven't forgotten then train station incident and to be honest I don't think I ever will.

We finish walking through the doors of the mansion to find the other Victors are already there. Even Haymitch…dressed in a suit…Haymitch…a suit? Effie really must have really done something to Haymitch.

And I don't mean that in a dirty way!

The whole social thing reminds me of the chariot rides before the quell. The same people who took part in it are here but we've changed and there are people who are no longer with us, this makes the atmosphere a bit more sober

At around quarter past one of the attendants in the mansion – not one of the peacekeepers, they just disappeared somehow, but one of Paylor's attendants – comes to take us all to the room where we're going to have lunch. Me and Peeta stick with Annie and little Finn, I don't know why but I feel as if I should look out for Annie. Maybe because the space around her seems so empty and you can tell in her eyes that a part of her is missing. A part of her that she will never get back.

I don't let myself dwell on Annie's pain for too long. I know if I do I might start to go on that 'it's all my fault suicidal talk' and I'm trying to stop thinking like that.

Even though we have spoken to everyone here Peeta still hasn't let go of me, although his grip has changed from my hand to around my waist and it's significantly less tight. But it seems like our fellow Victors are pleased for us and glad that we are both together. As Johanna so kindly puts it "About bloody time! I mean everyone could see it apart from you two!"

Really? I never knew it was all that obvious. I mean I knew that I cared for him more than I did the average person but was it really that blatantly obvious? In the end I come to the conclusion that it's just Johanna being Johanna.

Beetee silently congratulates us but I can tell his mind is elsewhere and my thoughts are proven right when he tells us about some sort of new electrical device that he is inventing. I just nod my head and go along with it, especially when he starts to talk about strange mathematical figures that a man who is as old and has seen as much pain as Beetee has should not understand. I also realise that I didn't listen as much as I thought in school as Peeta seems to know what Beetee is on about.

Either that or he's got acting abilities that are miles better than mine – not that it's very hard to.

When I ask Peeta about it he just smiles at me and laughs, "Algebra, Katniss. We learnt about it since we were eleven?"

I nod my head as if I knew what he was on about but then drop my resolve, "Nope, doesn't ring a bell," I say shaking my head and Peeta just laughs.

Lunch is a light affair. Lots of camaraderie and joking between the victors. The food is amazing – as it always is – and the presence of Peeta beside me makes me feel at ease. Johanna and Haymitch make the atmosphere very sarcastic and everyone seems to adore little Finn, especially Peeta and I feel the familiar guilt in my heart whenever I see him with kids…

Anyway, it's not until Enobaria asks how we're all going to play our interviews that I actually remember about the interviews. When I do I kind of do a double take when I realise I have no idea what I'm going to do.

"I've heard that we're going one at a time, well apart from the two lovebirds over there, and they're going to be nothing like the interviews for the games," Haymitch tells us all and a wave of relief washes over me and everyone else in the room. Another interview like that is defiantly on my list of things not to do.

"How long do we have?" Annie asks, her voice sounding so small and vulnerable, I feel so sorry for her. She's got to do the interview on her own without Finnick.

"No idea, maybe ten minutes or so? But we could always make an excuse that Finn needs feeding and get you off quicker?" Haymitch asks, causing Annie to nod earnestly and everyone else to murmur their agreement.

"Yes!" Johanna shouts, pointing her finger at Haymitch before adding, "Best idea you've had all day!"

"I know I do have a lot of these things called 'good ideas'," Haymitch says, rolling his eyes causing everyone to laugh.

"Finn isn't going on stage," I say defensively and everyone turns to look at me "Finnick wouldn't have wanted him to have a life in the spotlight and I know sure as hell Annie doesn't."

"So who's going to look after him then?" Enobaria asks "No one here knows what to do with small, fragile infants that scream and cry."

"Peeta and Katniss?" Haymitch asks. "They'll be needing the practise," he adds with a smirk and I glare at him.

"Well what will you talk about then?" Haymitch backfires "They'll all be expecting you to start a family soon, what with the war over and whatnot, the same thing applies to you from that conversation we had on the Victory Tour."

"I don't know?" I say exasperated before I say "I'll just let Peeta talk." I think everyone laughs but I'm not sure as I'm thinking about what Haymitch said. The idea that none of us will ever get out of the spotlight hits me hard. All I want is a quiet, happy life with Peeta. Is that too much to ask for? What with all the pain we've been through.

I know it will be the same for the others but at least they don't have the pressure of everyone wanting you to have children. I don't even know if I want them. The war is still too fresh in people's minds. But I know people will be expecting it and there is no doubt that Caesar will ask about it. We'll just have to be vague with our answer.

Well Peeta will anyway. I'll just sit there smiling innocently and acting like I'm listening.

Speaking of Peeta he must sense my distress because he's taken hold of my hand again and is running his thumb over it trying to relax me. It doesn't really help much.

Lunch finishes at three thirty and everyone says their goodbyes, promising to meet backstage of the interviews. According to our schedule me and Peeta have 'free time' until five but we're both worn out so we go back to the training centre to relax.

When we walk past the gates to the memorial garden Peetas gaze lingers for a bit longer on the decorative iron rungs. I squeeze his hand and whisper in his ear, "Well go back tomorrow," I'm pretty sure we have the afternoon free and we don't have anything to do as such. "We'll bring some stuff for your family," I tell him and Peetas lips quirk up in a small smile.

"Thank you," he tells me and it's difficult to miss the sincerity in his voice.

We make it up to our room without anyone recognising us and spend the time until the interviews laid on the bed. Occasionally we share a kiss, but one that is sweet and caring, filled with love. Reminding us that even in this dire situation, with the reminder of the interviews hanging over our heads, we'll get through it together.

Around five my prep team comes and we get ready. It doesn't take long as we already got remade into 'beauty base zero' this morning. We're ready in just under an hour and spend the rest of the time in the living area twiddling our thumbs. Finally someone comes to escort us down to the interview area. Peeta puts his arm around my waist and pulls me closer to him, planting a kiss in my hair.

"We can do this," he whispers.

I nod my head knowing I can do anything with Peeta by my side. We step into the elevator together and plummet down to the floor of the interviews. We step out to find everyone else is already there. Haymitch walks past us to the centre of the room and says in an overdone, fake Capitol accent, complete with a devilish looking smile…

"It's show time."

_**Yes the interviews are in the next chapter! Yeyyyy!**_

_**Now I would normally be updating two weeks on Sunday so that would make the 9**__**th**__** of June but I am in Belgium on a school trip so I can't. I will try and write the next chapter this week as its half term and post it before I go but if not it'll be the weekend after.**_

_**Please review! I haven't got that many for a while :( Thank you to everyone who has reviewed/favourite/followed love ya!**_

_**NormyMellark99**_


	17. Chapter 17

_**Guys I can't begin to say how sorry I am for not updating in such a long time. It's been nearly a month! I haven't really got any excuses other than I've been really busy over the weekends which is when I usually write. Also the trip to Belgium – however good it was – really threw me with writing.**_

_**On a more exciting note NEW CATCHING FIRE TRAILER ON 20**__**TH**__** JULY! YEYYY! This is also the first day of my summer holidays so I might have more hope with writing then! Fingers crossed! I have a few ideas for new fanfics. A Finnick and Annie oneshot which I'm currently trying to write and an AU WW1 Katniss and Peeta which was inspired whilst I was on the Battlefields trip but I'm going to write it before I post it so I don't have a problem with updating.**_

_**Also I have persuaded my parents to let me have twitter! Follow me and I'll follow back! Normy_HG**_

_**Anyway the interviews are in this chapter so that's out of the way now. Have fun!**_

_**Disclaimer – I don't own The Hunger Games **_

**Chapter 17**

The words "It's Showtime" rebound off the sides of my skull, making my head pound with echoes and leaving my body slightly queasy.

Thank God we're not on first is all I have to say.

Whereas during the Hunger Games interviews we all had to sit silently around the stage waiting for our turn, about to faint, now we all just hang around backstage eating off a table full of food and waiting for our turn.

Well apart from me and Peeta, we're sat with Annie and Finn dreading the moment when Annie goes on stage and we have to look after Finn. I don't think Peetas that bothered by the look on his face, I know him too well. He loves children and wants to look after Finn. The thought makes my stomach clench with the topic of children…again.

But I don't have time to think on that because one of the crew comes up to us to tell us what order we're going in.

"We'll go in order of Districts just to make it slightly easier for us lot," he tells us gesturing to the crew backstage. How can that make it easier? It's just as easy to do it in any other way.

What can I say? We're in the Capitol. A trip to buy some carrots is a feat in itself.

"As there are two interviews for District twelve we'll go youngest to oldest so Katniss and Peeta then Haymitch. If Enobaria can come out with me now then I think we can get started…" he pauses momentarily as if he's forgotten something, "…oh and when your interviews finished you're free to go," he informs us.

Well at least we can leave when we're done. Although we're on second to last anyway, it doesn't really make much difference.

We watch as Enobaria makes her way onto the stage. Johanna gives her a subtle thumbs up as she's about to go onto the stage. I know she tried to kill me in the games unlike the other Victors that are left – all of whom I've been close friends with since I first met them – I still feel sorry for her. After all she's the same as the rest of us. Plagued with nightmarish visions of the games and forced to kill children at a young age.

"You alright there?" Peeta asks me, snapping his fingers in front of my face. I shake my head slightly before looking up to see Peeta and Haymitch looking at me.

I give my head another slight shake before replying with "I'm good."

I have a feeling that they both don't believe me but they know better than to question me. Instead I turn my attention back to Annie and Finn.

Annie looks like the perfect Mother nursing Finn to sleep. My heart contracts painfully at the thought of Finnick and I feel so thankful that Peetas arm is around my shoulders. His heart still beating. Unlike Finnick who will only see his child from the sky.

After about ten minutes Finnick finally drops off to sleep. Annie looks up and notices us staring at her, "What?" she asks us.

"Cute kid," Haymitch says before stumbling off to get some more alcohol. But I notice the pain in his eyes and know he's thinking of Finnick. If I didn't know better I'd say he was trying to get as intoxicated as possible for the interviews.

Note the sarcasm.

"You're such a good Mum Annie," I tell her "Finns a lucky kid."

Annie's face breaks into a smile so big I think it might break her face in two, "Thank you Katniss," she tells me so genuinely that I can't help feeling inflated. "I do my best don't I," she tells Finn; stroking his hair even though he can't hear her. She then turns her head to look at me, "You're Mother helped me a lot you know."

At the mention of my Mother I remember that I promised her I'd go and see her over the summer months. I tell Annie this and mention dropping in to see her too.

She looks so delighted at the news I make it my first priority to arrange a visit when we get home.

Enobaria comes back in after her interview and goes directly upstairs with hardly any words spoken. Beetee goes out without a word and I begin to think that the interviews are more like a death sentence.

As time goes on Annie gets more and more nervous and holds Finn closer and closer to her chest. She looks so vulnerable that I move away from Peeta and put my arm around her shoulders. She doesn't even notice she's retreated so far into herself but Peeta gives me a small smile which makes my heart flutter and a blush to appear on my face.

I have no idea why and have no time to think about it as Beetee comes back and its Annie's turn to go on. She stands up, passes a sleeping Finn to Peeta and follows a man to the side of the stage. Her knees shaking, her hands shaking, her whole body shaking and a very white face. For a second I think she's about to faint. She turns around and smiles at me. I return it and give her a nod. Faced with newfound determination she sets her shoulders back, takes a big breath, turns round and walks onto the stage.

I hardly have a second to feel sorry for Annie before I hear a little voice behind me. "Katniss… What do I do?"

It's Peeta. I turn round to see Peeta perched on the edge of the chair holding Finn like he's a glass about to break.

I sit down next to him, "What's up with you? You seemed to know what you were doing to other day," I ask him raising my eyebrows and smoothing Finns hair down.

"Yeah, when Annie was there," Peeta looks up at me like a rabbit caught in headlights. "What if I drop him?"

"You won't drop him, it'll be fine as long as he doesn't sta–"

Before I even get to finish my sentence Finn lets out an ear piercing screech and starts to bawl his eyes out. Everyone turns to look at us and Johanna and Haymitch burst out laughing. I turn to look at Peeta who looks like he's just broken someone's great grandma's rocking chair and finish my sentence. "As long as he doesn't start crying…"

I take Finn off Peeta and try in vain to do what Annie did and calm the baby down. I look to Haymitch for help but he seems bent on making fun of us. Johanna is actually crying she's laughing so much. Even the lighting and sound people look like they're trying to hold back laughter.

Peeta try's playing peek-a-boo with Finn but he's not having any of it and continues to scream the place down.

I put my finger in Finns mouth to see if he'll suck on it and shut up but end up nearly getting my finger torn off. Yes I know baby's don't have any teeth but their gums are quite hard as I've just found out. Peeta takes Finn and walks around with him but that doesn't work.

After about five minutes Finns face is bright red. His eyes wide open and streaming with tears. His face scrunched up and it nearly breaks my heart.

Wow. Who knew kids could have such an effect on me? Weird.

But me being me had an ingenious idea. It just so happens that it's the same as Haymitchs earlier today. I leave Peeta with Finn and run round to the side of the stage trying to get Annie's attention. When that doesn't work I give up and scream "ANNIE! FINN WON'T SHUT UP! GET OFF THAT STAGE AND HELP US BEFORE I COVER HIS MOUTH WITH DUCT TAPE!"

At the mention of Finns name Annie jumps up runs past me nearly knocking me over. I nod to Caeser hoping he gets what I mean and will just move onto Johanna. I turn back around just in time to see Annie scoop Finn into her arms. As soon as Annie takes a hold on him Finn shuts up and goes straight back to sleep.

I look at Peeta bewildered, "What did you…I mean how…he wouldn't stop and you come in and….he stops…and–"me and Peeta say at the same time. I have no idea what Annie did but she must be magic or something. I have no idea how she did that.

"I'm going to go now," she tells us, "Put Finn to bed and stuff."

"Yeah…Bye?" Peeta replies still looking star struck. "Did you just see that?" he asks me, "He just stopped."

I nod my head at Peeta before looking over at Haymitch

"It's just like that kids. It's not that hard," Haymitch tells us winking and I am met with the feeling that neither me nor Peeta will ever live this down.

Johanna comes back on and me and Peeta get ready to go onto the stage. I now have a greater appreciation on what Annie was feeling like as I'm shaking now and I've got Peeta with me. I'm beginning to regret the two or maybe three chocolate doughnuts I had. I'm starting to feel a bit sick.

"We'll be fine," Peeta whispers to me taking a hold of my hand.

"I know," I reply taking a deep breath "It's just an interview."

"Yeah, just an interview," he repeats before leading me out onto the stage.

Almost immediately I am met with the roar of the crowd and flash of the cameras. I tighten my hold on Peetas hand as we walk out onto the stage where Caeser is stood up waiting to shake our hands.

Both me and Peeta manage to shake his hand without letting go of each other's.

We sit down and Caeser immediately follows us. They've still got a loveseat but it's the same one all of the Victors used for these interviews. Whilst before the war I would have kicked off my shoes and acted overly in love with Peeta now I act as myself and just lean into Peetas side as his arm wraps around me – even if he's in a slightly more protective posture as normal I feel like myself.

"Well first things first," Caeser says "How did looking after Finnick and Annie's son go?"

Whilst I want to say something harsh about why it's any of their business we still have to be nice to people otherwise they will hate us. I still have to have my camera face on somewhat.

"Not to good…" I say before trailing off and looking at Peeta for help. I'm still not good at talking.

"He started crying and wouldn't really stop," Peeta says and he looks at the audience somewhat guiltily.

Caeser and the rest of the audience laughs, "Did Annie get him to stop?" he asks.

"Yeah, she did," Peeta says. "We spent ages trying to calm him down whilst Haymitch and Johanna laughed at us then Annie comes in takes Finn and he stops crying immediately," Peeta adds causing the audience to laugh again.

"Well there always does seem to be a bond between mother and child," Caeser says and I fight the urge to laugh. No way, it might be because Annie carried Finn for nine months that there's a bond. Are people in the Capitol really this clueless?

"Anyway so how are you and Peeta getting on after the war Katniss?" Caeser asks me.

"We're doing great Caeser thank you," I tell him and it continues on like this for what seems like an eternity. It seems that no one has got tired of 'The star crossed lovers of District 12' and want to know everything about us.

Caeser bumbles his way through a list of questions about marriage – when are you going to do it officially? Children – a long way down the road. Living accommodations – we live in the same house now. How Haymitch is – drunk as usual. How I'm coping with Prims death – thanks for that I'm feeling a lot better now. The memorial in the Capitol – it's beautiful. On and on until I'm afraid it's never going to end.

Eventually Caeser draws the interview to a close with a promise that we'll be doing some other interviews during the week. Me and Peeta stand up and walk off stage – the remains of our applause still ringing in our ears. We get backstage and pass Haymitch who's going up for his interview.

"You did great," he tells us, his words slightly slurred.

"Thanks," Peeta says "Are you drunk enough yet?" he adds on holding onto Haymitchs arm to balance him.

"When am I ever drunk enough boy?" he replies causing me and Peeta to laugh.

"Have fun Haymitch!" I call whilst we're walking back towards the elevator. Haymitch winks at me and puts his thumbs up before walking backwards and falling over some crates.

Watching him get up and tell a crew member he's sorry is highly amusing.

We get onto the elevator wiping our eyes from the tears of laughter Haymitch caused.

"Sometimes I feel like the parent," Peeta says and I laugh again.

"Too right there!" I reply "I don't think he'll ever grow up."

"Not too sure if I want him to, how would we entertain ourselves then?" Peeta asks.

I hum in agreement, resting my head against Peetas chest not bothering to answer him as I'm about to drop off to sleep. "Only another five interviews or so to go," I mumble.

I can just make out Peetas agreement before I fall asleep on him.

_**I was going to do every day of The Capitol but with my updates we might be here for the next ten years so next chapter will probably be a quick overview type thing.**_

_**I will update as soon as I can! I've got a DofE practise expedition next weekend but maybe the weekend after? I'll try my best!**_

_**Don't forget to Review!**_

_**NormyMellark99 xxx :) **_


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